This is a post all for plugging the beautiful Yuletide story that I received. by the beauty of physical objects is a Guenevere/Lancelot story set in T. H. White's The Once and Future King series.

I know that you're supposed to make sure that you'd be happy with any of your Yuletide requests, but I'll confess that I had an extra desire to have my The Once and Future King request filled. Guenevere and Lancelot have been one of my OTPs since I was eight or nine, when I saw Lerner and Lowe's "Camelot." However, I haven't been able to find nearly as much dedicated to them as I would like. And the The Once and Future King fandom is pretty much nonexistent.

The story itself is lovely, soft, and sad. You should go read it at once.

This week is Banned Books Week. I like to celebrate by reading banned book. This year's choice is The Great Gatsby. Yeah, it's a little embarrassing that I haven't read it before, but it's shocking and shameful what I have yet to read.

If you want to read a banned book to celebrate, it won't take much effort. One of the top ten challenged books for 2008 was And Tango Makes Three, a children's picture book about two male penguins at the New York City's Central Park Zoo who who hatched an egg together. I'm reluctant to use human words for non-human animals, but let's face it, they're gay penguins. You can imagine how well the book goes over with the religious right. So make a statement: read a picture book.

Go here for the ten top challenged titles, which includes His Dark Materials and Scary Stories. You can also go here for more information. It's absolutely ridiculous, some of the books that have been banned and challenged. Also, people who want to ban To Kill a Mockingbird based on racist language are really missing the point. One of the main points of the book is the evils of racism. How is supposed to do that without showing that racism? And people who want to ban Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry for the same reasons are missing the point even more. It's about a Black family in the 1930's who interact with white people. Should we sanitize history by removing hateful language and actions? What a good way to hide the fact that white people have been racist fuckheads throughout American history. Or should books about Black people that take place prior to 1980 or so just never be written? I really don't think that's the solution. (I suppose you could try and write a novel where the Black people never interact with white people, but I'm not sure how possible it would be. Plus, wow, there's a limitation.

Also, people who want to ban any book even mentioning LGBTQ people (or penguins) as "not age appropriate" make me want to kill things. But you could guess that.

So, I finally went ahead and bought a paid dreamwidth account. La, la, la, money burns a hole in my pocket.

But that's not what I came here to talk to you about. I came to talk about the draft books.


So, for the past few months, I've been on an Arthurian legend kick. No, I have absolutely no idea where it came from, why do you ask? It certainly doesn't have anything to do with a certain British television show, no. I've reread The Lost Years of Merlin quartet, and I Am Morgan le Fay, both of which I recommend. I also read The Once and Future King and The Book of Merlyn. The former is indispensable, while the latter certainly has lovely prose, but I'm not sure that I really needed nearly two-hundred pages of T. H. White's political views put into the mouths of Merlin and Arthur. However, both did manage to break my heart. Oh, how I cried at the end of The Once and Future King. (Aside: I was at my mom's, and when she asked me why I had been crying, I told her that I had just finished The Once and Future King. She thought that I said Lord of the Rings and couldn't figure out why I was so bloody depressed.)

I'm now reading Le Morte Darthur by Sir Thomas Malory. Virtually every version of Arthur's story that you've encountered--from Disney's "The Sword and the Stone", to The Mists of Avalon, to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"--are somehow based on Malory. This can create the problem in which people assume that Malory's version is the "original story." Every time someone rants that BBC's Merlin has deviated from the original legend, I want to chime in, "Yeah! They put in an attraction between Guinevere and Lancelot! That wasn't in the 6th-century poems! Hell, Lancelot wasn't there at all!" But I'm contrary that way.

Anyway, I was nervous about starting the book. What if it was boring or impossible to understand? (To quote Mark Twain, "A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.") But my version, which is edited by R. M. Lumiansky, is very readable. Lumiansky (mostly) modernized the spelling, replaced some archaic words with words familiar to the modern reader, and cleared up some pronoun usage. Hardly a bastardization of the text, and it creates a book that I can actually read, unlike the versions I looked at in the school library.

I'm only to page three hundred and seventy (out of seven hundred and fifty), so I can't fully discuss it. So far, my favorite story is Sir Gareth's, which I present to you here, slightly paraphrased.

( Read more... )

Of course, I'm likely so fond of Lynet because she has an actual discernible personality. Sure that personality is being jerk, but at least it's something. Sir Malory was apparently writing before they invented characterization. Most of the characters act largely the same, with a few jerks (Lynet, Kay). Or you can be evil. But the evil people act mostly the same, and they often become good, at least if they're men. See, you become good by being defeated in honorable combat. Women cannot be defeated in honorable combat, so they have no way to become good. Oh, and there's one character who's a coward. Sir Dinadan, if I remember correctly.

Note that I'm having difficulty remembering which character is which, after just reading the portion that he appears in. This is because there are so many bloody characters. I've given up trying to remember all the names of the various knights who show up.

I'm currently in the middle of the Tristram and Isoud story, which may explain why I'm losing momentum. I never could really get into their story. Maybe it's because they're mostly portrayed as being the victims of a love potion, and I can't get behind a grand great love that's artificially induced. At least with Malory, they love each other before. The love potion just cements things.

Or maybe I'm simply losing momentum because I'm just a little more than halfway through a seven hundred and fifty page book that's highly repetitive, with characters who all sound alike. And it is repetitive. The various battles all run into each other after a while, the story of La Cote Male Tayle is largely Sir Gareth's story all over again, and I still maintain that Tristram and Isoud are a poor man's Lancelot and Guinevere. Maybe I should take a break and read something else a little simpler. I have been wanting to reread the Harry Potter novels. Of course, that would mean going to the library, and I'm not supposed to leave the house for a few more days.

So, that's my book rambling. Don't you feel edified?

"Oh, Jesus, defend us from death and horrible maiming..."

- Le Morte Darthur by Sir Thomas Malory, edited by R.M. Lumiansky.

It's the "horrible maiming" part that really does it for me. I want to start shouting this at random intervals.

And, yes, I should be studying for my Spanish Final, but given the choice between studying Spanish, and a hot bath and Arthurian legend, what would you choose?

Also, I am crossposting this from dreamwidth! Yes, I am veleda_k over there. Friend me if you want. I don't have a paid account, but it's probably just a matter of time. I can never resist icon space.

Why do people continue to Not Get It? Today's post isn't about stuff that's jaw-droppingly rage inducing, but still makes me go "Argh!"

Yesterday, in my lesbian lit class, we were discussing Stone Butch Blues. Since the book deals with Diné/Navajo culture and transgenderism, it's no surprise that the topic of of third genders within Native American Cultures would come up. The problem came when one woman used the word "berdache." While this is indeed a word used to describe non-gender-conforming native peoples, it's an insulting word, first used by European conquers to insult the people they were destroying. Also, using berdache as a blanket term ignores the multitude of differences across tribes. (I really hate it when I hear something described as a "Native American custom." Which tribe are you talking about? Cheyenne? Arapaho? Iroquois? Mohawk? I demand details!) When I brought this up, I was all but attacked, with the woman insisting that the work should be used for convenience's sake. The professor tried to cool the situation and made a note that perhaps someone should research the history of berdache. Which is exactly what I did. I looked in Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg and Sex Changes by Patrick Califia, and found confirmation for my statement. (I would hope so, considering those books are where I got the information in the first place. But it's nice to have straight textual evidence.) I fully plan to bring this up tomorrow. The professor better have meant it when she said that someone should look into this. I do my research! And my research does not support the "Yay Western Imperialism!" viewpoint.

By the way, a blanket term for gender nonconformity within Native American Cultures that actually used by native people is two-spirit. That's respectful. Of course, if you come across someone who doesn't like the term, you shouldn't use it to describe them. (I shouldn't have to point that out, but.)

Later the same day, in my Christianity and Democracy class, I encountered a different time of privilege. We were discussing Christianity and Democracy by John De Gruchy. Of course, it's severely difficult to discuss the problem knowing that it's highly unlikely that anyone reading this has also read said book. To give you an overview of my issues, I'll just put up my response paper that I wrote for the class.

( Read more... )

All right, there you go. Little more than you strictly needed, but you understand my issues.

There are times when something seems incredibly clear to you, and you're shocked to find that people disagree. This happened in class. Two people thought that De Gruchy wasn't privileging Christianity. That's right, saying that an ideal society would be modeled after the Holy Trinity has nothing to do with concept of Christian supremacy. One woman couldn't see what the problem was. "If you like his ideas," she said, "why does it matter how he expresses them?"

I wonder what it would be like to go through life seeing absolutely nothing oppressive about saying that people not believing in the Christian God is responsible for society's ills, or that God should be a "necessary working hypothesis with regard to science, ethics, or art." It's classic Christian privilege. (Of course, it's possible that the woman wasn't a Christian. There will always be people who defend oppressors without being them. Look at the sheer number of sexist and misogynistic women. But I find it more likely that she's Christian.)

I'm reminded that in the same class, someone expressed the belief that the presidential inauguration wasn't explicitly Christian. Multiple preachers, swearing in the president with his hand on the Bible, and reference to God in the speech, and it's not Christian! People don't seem to get that the concept of Christianity as default in our society is problematic.


But now we reach our last point for today. And this point deals not with other people's privilege, but with my own. (So much harder to deal with.)

I'm not sure how much any one person on my flist has been keeping up with Racefail 09. I know that there's a lot that I've been missing. If you want to catch up, rydra_wong has an extensive (and impressive) collection of links.

A post that really stuck with me is this one by seperis. To quote:

Speaking for myself, sitting here in comfortable privilege and mulling how much new material I have to read, I'm ashamed that in this, I had nothing to lose and everything to gain and I've profited immensely by way of clicking links like some progressive online course. And I have to be grateful, and sickened by it.

This is so true. And it's not just this one instance. It seems that every time there's an explosion of racism in fandom, I get to learn stuff. I find fascinating, worthwhile information from brilliant people. People of color? Well, they get stepped on and hurt.

Does that make me a bad person? No, of course not. Privilege 101: Having privilege does not make you a bad person. But it's something I need to keep in mind. Something that frustrates me.

That said, the least I can do is plug some lj communities that are trying to make a difference. 50books_poc challenges you to read fifty books written by people of color over the course of year. Or more than a year. Or read fifty short stories. Or keep count of the books you read that are written by people of color. Or just read books written by people of color and post reviews. The point is to read work by people of color. I want to fulfill the original challenge: fifty books in a year, but right now, with my school schedule, the idea of being able to finish a book for fun seems like a distant dream. But I'll make the effort. I read What I talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami earlier this year, and right now I'm in the middle of The Wind Done Gone by Alice Randall.

Also, verb_noire is a small press publisher dedicated to celebrating "the works of talented, underrepresented authors and deliver them to a readership that demands more." They're currently accepting submissions. Check them out!

Ok, I should probably get started on tidying up the condo, just a little.

Argh, so much shit to do, but let's fit a post in.

We're reading Stone Butch Blues in my lesbian lit class. It's the third time I've read it. What's really interesting is the different way it's affected me each time. The first time I read it, I was thirteen or fourteen and just beginning to understand myself as queer, and it shaped my understanding of queer history and culture. (I still find myself surprised when I meet someone in the community who doesn't understand the basics of butch/femme dynamics.) The second time I read it, well, mostly, it really depressed me. Being queer isn't puppies and sunshine right now, but at least no one's going to arrest me because I'm not wearing three pieces of woman's clothing. But this time... this time it didn't make me sad at all. It made me feel proud of who I am. And more than that, it made me feel ready to stop thinking about what I want to do in the future and start thinking about what I'm going to do right now.

I've been looking up the necessary steps for a name change in Colorado. Bloody complicated and expensive, I'll tell you that. But I'm tired of that little flinch I feel whenever I use my birth name. So, I'm going with a gender neutral shortening of my birth name, and my middle name will no longer be the very girly "Marie," but the gender neutral "Leslie." (Yes, after the author of Stone Butch Blues.) I will be left with completely gender neutral name. I'm planning on starting on that over spring break, with my mother's help. (She's a paralegal, and so knows far more about law than I do.)

Speaking of my mother, I keep forgetting that she's not the same judgmental, bigot that she used to be. I mean, sure, she still blames herself for my queerness, and may very well believe to her dying day that my transgenderism is a phase, but that matters far less to me than the fact she's being supportive and helpful. I was really nervous about telling her about the name change, but she was great.

What's really amazing is that she feels she can joke about it. She told me that instead of Leslie, I should change my middle name to Mario, as it would only require changing one letter.Also, she thinks that I should change my first name to "Bosco." See, that's what she and my dad called me before they knew what sex I was going to be. (Which was so very helpful in the long run.)

The other thing I'm trying to do is buy a binder. Not a three ring binder, I mean something to bind my breasts. This is a bit troublesome. First, there's deciding what to get. I've decided to get something from Underworks, which has experience with ftm (female to male) clients. There's still several choices though. I've narrowed it down to the Power Compression Vest. We then get to my biggest problem: measuring myself. It turns out that I am as incompetent at this as I am at everything else. I'm pretty sure that "under the bust line" is 29 inches, but the site tells me to measure "over
the fullest part of your chest. Again not too tight but not too loose." I do not know what too tight or too loose is! I'm pretty sure that the most accurate average of the two measurements is 31.5 inches, but there's some margin of error there. This is problematic since an extra small is 29 to 31 inches, and a small is 32 to 34. And if I can wear a small, then I can get the double layer vest, which offers more compression. I'm probably going to call their helpline tomorrow and ask for advice. I really don't want to get this wrong, considering the expense.

Being transgender: a bloody awful lot of work.

Er, anyway, I have paper to write.

There's going to be a debate between Christopher Hitchens, author of God is Not Great and Dinesh D'Souzaat, author of What's So Great About Christianity at CU, put on by the Aquinas Institute for Catholic Thought. I got a free ticket, but I'm not sure if I'm going to go. I kind of hate Hitchens with a passion, you see.

I haven't read either Hitchens or D'Souzaat's books. I should read the latter's before the debate. However I don't want to touch Hitchen's with a ten foot pole. I know that I should read his book before condemning him, but after reading excerpts of him in Chris Hedges' book I Don't Believe in Atheists I just want to avoid him. I've seen valid criticism of Hedges' book, but Hitchens' quoted hateful comments about Muslims wouldn't be acceptable in any context. I see enough racism (because when people bash Muslims, they aren't thinking of white people) without seeking it out. Richard Dawkins seemed at least less hateful, so I was prepared to give him a try. Now that I know that he's planning on writing a children's book about the possible negative effect of things like fairy tales and Harry Potter, I'm feeling a little differently. He states that those things might have a "sort of insidious affect on rationality."

One can't help noticing the similarities between the rabid Christian right and over-zealous atheists. They both believe with absolute one hundred and ten percent certainty that they are right; they both believe that their beliefs make them better than people who believe otherwise; they're both unbearably smug; and they both hate Harry Potter for promoting witchcraft. It's like two sides of the same scary coin.

It all goes to show that total bat shit has no religious denomination.

I probably should still read Dawkins and even Hitchens, if only for the sake of being informed. But I have so many, many books that I have yet to read that I actually expect to enjoy that I'm not sure that I can convince myself.

And I should probably go to the debate.

I keep meaning to do a big Yuletide recs post, but I'm sleepy, I have to work tomorrow, and I have to decide if I'm going to heed the siren call of the X-Files DVD I have in the other room. So, this is just one rec.

The American Gods fic, Bird's Eye View, is amazing, and I'm not just saying that because it was written for me. It's from Horus' point of view while Shadow was holding the vigil for Wednesday. Horus doesn't get a lot of attention in the book, so it's amazing that my mystery author was able to capture him so well. The story is lyrical, beautiful, just a touch mad, and it made me want to both reread American Gods and bone up on my Egyptian mythology.

I just got to see Howard Zinn! His show, Voices of a People's History of the United States was playing at Macky Auditorium (on the CU campus). It was wonderful.

This morning, I figured that there might be a signing (there was), so I went to look for my copy of A People's History of the United States. As it turns out, I didn't have a copy of A People's History of the United States. Yes, I can hear the shocked silence. The copy I thought I had is still at my mom's, which makes sense, given that it belongs to her. But I bought one of my one and had it signed.

Howard Zinn and Neil Gaiman in the same week? How lucky is that?

...Surely something will go horribly wrong very soon.

Got to go to the Neil Gaiman reading tonight. God, I love that man. He read the second half of chapter seven from The Graveyard Book, which was a bit of mixed blessing, because it meant that I got spoiled. On the other, I got to hear Neil Gaiman read the climax of his latest book in person. Awesome!

There was no signing, but pre-signed books were available. So, I bought a signed copy of The Graveyard Book as well as the Neverwhere miniseries. That means that I can finally return the copy that rocknlobster sent me in her infinite goodness, and which I have yet to return, months later. But now I will! Any day now!

Oh, and tekararogue, you will be happy to know that Neil was asked how he intends to prepare for the upcoming zombie invasion. He told us that was very terrified, but was willing to support our new zombie overlords, and was waiting to know if the zombies were going to need people to write stories, or if he was just going to be brains.

I love that man.

In other words, I've signed up for springkink again. And this time I plan on finishing all of my claims! Oh god, I suck so bad. But I pounded out one of them today. This is far less impressive than it sounds. My stories are so very, very short that writing a first draft in one day shouldn't difficult at all. But I rarely manage to write something in one sitting, so I'm happy. Now I just need to find a beta for it. Curse the small number of Count Cain fans on my flist. (Er, I mean, curse the fact that I have such a small number of Count Cain fans on my flist, not that the Count Cain fans on my flist should be cursed.)

So, I'm sick. Not really sick, but sick enough for the whole experience to be decidedly unpleasant. I was blowing my nose all through anime club on Friday, which must have annoyed the fuck out of everyone else, but there wasn't much I could do. No way I was going to miss anime club due to some dinky cold. If I can go to school (which I did) and to work (which I'm going to today) then there's no way that I'm not going to anime club.

I'm drinking loads of echinacea tea, which is supposed to bolster my immune system. Even if it doesn't work, it at least guarantees that I'm staying hydrated.

I've been thinking about books. Mainly, my tendency to beat myself up if I don't think that I'm reading fast enough, and the pressure I put on myself to read every book to the end and not allow myself to start a new book until I'm finished with the previous one. The whole thing is, well, kind of stupid. I feel like I have to live up to other people's expectations... except they're expectations that other people don't have. The only putting pressure on me is me. And why? What does it matter if I read when and what I want to read? Other people probably don't even notice what I'm reading from day to day, and if they do, I doubt they care how long it takes me to finish it.

So, I'm not reading Constantine's Sword right now, because I wasn't enjoying it. I may pick it up again later, or I may not. So there.

I read We Have Always Lived in the Castle last night, because I wanted to. It's a freaking brilliant book, by the way. I recommend it.

Wow, for once I may actually be taking step in the right direction, emotionally. How often do I manage that? (Answer: Not very often.)

For almost a month, I was reading The Count of Monte Cristo, and a few days ago, I finally finished. At first I was making good progress--averaging about one hundred pages a day, which is what I expect of myself in normal reading conditions (i.e. not horrible busy with other stuff). But there were a few days where I wasn't able to read at all. I was so discouraged and ashamed that I went almost a week without reading out all, and then a while after that I could only read a few pages a day. But I did finish it, and I quite liked it. I'm rewatching Gankutsuou, and it's fun to compare the two.

I'm now reading Constantine's Sword: The Church and the Jews. The subject is really interesting, but it's slow going due to the way the book is written. The prose is more florid than seems strictly necessary, and sometimes I'm left going, "Wait...I don't think that sentence had a subject."

Changing the subject, I'm currently taking an abnormal psychology class. It's really interesting, but all the talk of different disorders leaves me feeling really anxious. Plus, according to what I've learned, it turns out that I don't actually have social anxiety disorder. Why? Because I'm not terrified of public speaking. Apparently, hyperventilating whenever a stranger brushes up against me and freaking out when I'm on a bus with half a dozen people on it (Too many people! Too many people!) doesn't social anxiety make.

Why does it matter, you may ask. After all, I don't need a diagnosis to get pills or something--I wasn't going to take medication for it anyway. Why, then, does it matter so much that I have an officially recognized disorder? Well, a few reasons. First, it proves that I have a valid reason for the way a I think, act, and feel. "I'm not a freak, I just have social anxiety." That sort of thing. Second, having a label lets you know that other people are having experience. It makes me feel less alone. But the biggest reason? It makes me feel validated. Not just in that it's okay to feel the way I do, just...validated as a human being. It would be difficult for me to overemphasize my intense and constant need for validation. I need people to confirm that I'm, if not okay, then at least minimally acceptable. I need other people to reassure me that I'm allowed to feel what I feel. I can't handle rejection. I live in nigh constant fear of rejection. What do I count as rejection? Well, on my way out of class today, I opened the door to the stairway. On the other side, a young woman was doing the same thing. She jerked open the door rather sharply and quickly. I took this to mean that she didn't like me. She was angry at me. Now, logically, I'm not sure that she even registered my presence. Logically, I know that chances are good that she didn't have an opinion on me one way or another. But that doesn't stop the feeling. (Nonetheless, the fact that I can think about the situation logically is a good sign.)

This fear of rejection is what keeps me from friending anyone on lj. Now, hold on, I hear you saying, many people specify that they don't think of their friends list as a "friends" list, and just treat it as journals that they happen to read everyday. Many people make a point of saying that whether or not they friend someone back has nothing to do with whether or not they like the person. To this, I reply: stairwell, door, person opening said door. I can take anything as rejection.

It's a little sad, because it means that I can't initiate friendships either in non-internet life or online. I just have to wait for someone to notice me. This is not exactly conducive to friendship. Even when I actually want social relationships, I'm screwed. Not fair.

Eh, well, I'm feeling better than I did when I started writing this. Which I suppose is why it's a good idea to get it all out.

Ugh, I am so done with OASOS. Just being there sends me in an anxiety attack. Too many giggly, hyperactive thirteen year olds than any one person should have to deal with. I wanted to stay in order to have coffee afterward with terryn73 and two other people, but I knew that I would lose my mind if I didn't leave early.

I just finished reading A History of the Devil by Gerald Messadie and translated from French by Marc Romano. Overall, I say it's worth reading. The first few chapters are dry and tedious and imperialist prejudices keep popping up. Non-Western cultures are continually referred to as "primitive." Even when the author is describing the jungles of an area that can only be trekked through using a "primitive" tool made by the natives. So, it's the best tool for the job; hell, it's the only tool for the job, but because it wasn't made by white people, let's call it primitive. However, after about five or so chapters it becomes much more readable, and in the chapters about Africa and the Americas, the author takes Western scholars and religious figures to task for their racism. It makes me wonder if the book wasn't actually translated by two different people.

Sometimes the book feels too simplistic, and I don't always agree with his interpretation of the mythology he's discussing. He states that when we think of Greek gods, we think of heroes lounging on Mt. Olympus. I guess I can't speak for anyone else, but when I think of Greek gods, I think of spiteful, jealous, petty, rapists... lounging on Mt. Olympus. Then again, maybe I'm the unusual one. (But also the right one.)

Messadie's description of our current conception of the devil of a sort of "hero of the loser" and a figure to liberate us from the oppressive idea of sin made me think of the Lucifer comic series that starred the Lucifer that Neil Gaiman thought up in his Sandman Series.

( Spoilers for volume four, The Divine Comedy )

Despite the book's flaws, I wouldn't dissuade anyone from picking it up. Once it got going, it was really interesting.

I also saw The Dark Knight Today. I hadn't seen a movie in the theaters in over a year (Ratatouille was the last one), but I wasn't going miss this one. It was awesome! The first scene with the bat-cycle had me practically jumping up and down in my seat. And it was funny too!

Yep, it was all around great. Except...

( Cut for spoilers )



END DARK KNIGHT SPOILERS

In other fandom news, I'm just getting into Heroes. It's enjoyable, though I find myself despising nearly every character at least on occasion. The only characters who escape my sometimes wrath are Hiro, Jessica, and Micah.

( Possible spoilers for up to episode nine. I have not seen beyond this. Please do not spoil me )

And that's just about all that I have to say. Hm, I wanted to bake cookies tonight, but it may have gotten too late.

First off, some really awesome news: The Breast Cancer Site got the 8 million clicks it needed to earn to extra 10,000 dollars! Fantastic! And we helped, people.

However, that doesn't mean that you should stop clicking. All of these sites are an incredibly easy way to do good.

Save The World - One Click At A Time!

On each of these websites, you can click a button to support the cause -- each click creates funding, and costs you nothing! Bookmark these sites, and click once a day!





Click here to post this on your page or 'blog

Bidding at livelongnmarry has started, and there's some incredible stuff by equally incredible people. Tamora Pierce is offering stuff! Tamora fucking Pierce! A signed book, never-for-sale pins, and a chapter from her yet to be published new novel. There's also Pamela Dean, offering signed first edition copies of her novel, Tam Lin. I have never read it, but apparently it's really great. There's loads of gorgeous handmade jewelry and more offers to write fanfic than you can shake a stick at.

Also, I'm getting multiple bids on my bourbon balls. Yay!

I also hit on the ingenious idea to contact Andrea Gibson and Ellen Orleans about providing signed books. Andrea is a local spoken word artist who's a four time Denver Slam Champion, came in fourth at the National Individual Poetry Finals, third at the Individual Word Poetry Slam, and won the Women of the World Poetry Slam. She is also among the most incredibly awesome people that I know. A small selection of her poetry can be found on her website here

Ellen Orleans is humour writer here in Boulder. She's won the Lambada Literary Award for her book The Butches of Madison County, and she's also the author of The Inflatable Butch, Who Cares If It's a Choice (one of the funniest books that I have ever read), Can't Keep a Straight Face, and Still Can't Keep a Straight Face.

So far, Andrea has emailed me back, and I'm just waiting to see her opinion on the starting price.

I've finally got all my ingredients for the bourbon balls. It's turning out to be more expensive than I figured, but I don't care. The price had me wavering on whether to make a practice batch or not, but I decided that I should. I want to make sure that these turn out well.

And now for something completely different: a look into my life at the moment.

A few days ago, I found a book in my bike pannier. It was not my book. It's called The Seat of the Soul, and it appears to be a new age self help sort of book. It's not a cheap pamphlet type of book. It has a price tag for $12.00. I have no idea why someone would leave this book in my pannier. Did they just want to get rid of it? Were they trying to do an random good deed, and help a random person uncover the mystery of their soul? Were they simply looking for a place to put their book down, thought that my pannier would be a good place, and then forgot? The world may never know.

Work is going all right. They've increased my hours, which means more money, but less free time.

I rented two movies the other day. One was Blackbeard's Ghost, a cute family film that I remember really liking years ago. The other is called Walk All Over Me. The cover features two sexy women in fetish gear, and the tagline is "Love. Latex. Larceny." My complex and twisted psyche: welcome to it.

Today is the last day of winter break. I think I may cry. (No, not really.) For the edification of all involved (I so pretentious) I'm going to post my class list.

Beginning Japanese 2: (Monday-Friday)
Christian Tradition: (Monday, Wednesday)
Christian Tradition Recitation: (Wednesday)
Women of Color and Activism: (Tuesday, Thursday)
Feminist Theories: (Monday, Wednesday, Friday)

There are no words to describe just how much I am dreading Japanese. I am so, so bad at foreign languages. I don't want to fail!

I was excited about Christian Tradition. I find religion really interesting. Then, my mother pointed out that the class is probably going to be filled with fundies. Damn it. I can still hope, right? Maybe most of the people taking the class will be like me, and be interested without being too deeply invested. Please? I don't want to have deal with fundies every Monday and twice on Wednesdays for an entire semester.

I've been looking forward to Women of Color and Activism, and I don't know if I'm going to like Feminist Theories or not. One on hand, feminism, yay. On the other hand, too many theory classes seem to involve studying people who really need to get out more.

In other news, I'm now on Good Reads as Veleda. I don't quite know why anyone would want to friend me, but I'm there just in case anyone does want to. Or you can just look to mock my reading habits. Oh, and tekararogue should join. Because I want to know all about you're reading. Of course, I could just ask, but where's the fun in that?

Speaking of books, I just finished Grl 2 Grl by Julie Ann Peters. It's a young adult short story collection, and a very true to life one. Ironically, I think that that's what kept me from really enjoying it. Grl 2 Grl perfectly captures the pain of coming out in high school, suffering through your first crush, and losing your first girlfriend. But, you see, I'm twenty, I've already come out, gotten over my first crush, and been dumped by my first girlfriend years ago. It's a great book for teenagers, especially queer teenagers who are feeling alone. It's the type of book that I would have devoured my freshman year of high school. Excellent YA fiction can be enjoyed by any age group, unfortunately Grl 2 Grl is just good YA fiction.

I was actually disappointed, because I know that Julie Ann Peters is capable of better. I loved her book Luna, which is the only YA novel about transgenderism that I've found. That one, I recommend. I also own her book, Keeping You a Secret, but I still have yet to read it.

I'm currently reading The Demon Lover: On the Sexuality of Terrorism by Robin Morgan, which is interesting. I'll tell you more when I've finished.

This is a meme that keeps going around, but I love it.

1. Take the book (physically) closest to you.
2. Open it to page 123.
3. Find the 5th sentence.
4. Post the sentence here and the instructions in your journal.
5. Don't try to find a cool book, just take the closest one.

"A wraith appeared on the right of the church, while on the left of the church something with a half glimpsed, pointed, unsettlingly birdlike face, a pale, Boschian nightmare, glided smoothly from a headstone into the shadows and was gone."

From American Gods by Neil Gaiman. It's my favorite book.

That was a good one. Too often the sentence ends up being something like, "She woke up" or some other such thing.

There's stuff I'm tempted to post about, but I fear it would be terribly dull and whiny. So, I will spare you...for now.

Nobody told me it was Banned Books Week! It's almost over, and I haven't read any banned books. Neither of the two books I'm reading now (Pride and Prejudice and The End of America: Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot by Naomi Wolf) have been banned to my knowledge. Though Lord of the Flies is on the list of 100 most frequently challenged books of 1990-2000. If I finish one of the books I'm reading now quickly, I can at least start that before the week is up.

You know, looking at the list of 100 most frequently challenged books, some I understand (if fervently disagree with), but some of the books challenged just make me go "huh?". Like, The Witches by Roald Dahl? Or anything by Roald Dahl. I read him when I ten or younger. (Mathilda was my favorite book when I was young.) Do I need to reread and discover what could possibly be offensive? Some of the challenges just make me angry. How dare anyone try and ban To Kill a Mockingbird? I read it for school in 8th grade, so I didn't enjoy it as much as I might have, but I caught its value. And if I ever meet someone who challenged Slaughterhouse Five, I'll smack them for messing with Vonnegut.

It's not as if I love every book. One of the libraries near me has Coming Out Straight, which is all about "curing" homosexuality. I hate the very fact that this book exists...but I'm not going to stop people from reading it. (Except maybe by saying, "That book is full of shit. Don't believe what it says.")

There are few things that strike me as more inherently disturbing than burning books. It's this, among other things, that make me think that I'm probably a librarian at heart.

I'm going to go read.

I should list the good things that are happening in my life. Because just reading me whine is boring. (Actually, the good things are boring too. Ok, I'm boring.)

I made a trip to Red Letter Books (a great used bookstore) on Wednesday. Picked up Pride and Prejudice and Lord of the Flies for a dollar each and The Poisonwood Bible for two dollars. I haven't read any of them, so I'm excited. I also got Talk Dirty to Me: An Intimate Philosophy of Sex and The Penguin Book of Japanese Verse. I'm currently reading Talk Dirty to Me, and it's excellent. I highly recommend it.

I've mentioned Andrea Gibson here once or twice, but I doubt anyone remembers. She's an absolutely amazing slam poet who's been ranked third in the nation. I'm in awe of her. The reason all this is relevant is that she was at CU the other day, and we ran into each other. She told me that she was about to go on tour, but that she'd like us to get together when she got back and we could write together. I'm of two minds about this. The first is: Oh my god! Andrea thinks I'm talented enough to write with! She thinks I'm cool! The second (and unfortunately much louder) voice is: Oh fuck, oh fuck. I'm doomed. I'm crap. I'm not nearly good enough. I'm terrible. I'm no good. Oh god, oh god.

Maybe I should work on this low self-esteem thing.

Anyway, that was mainly an excuse for me to prattle on about books. Oh, and to post this quiz.




*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration then.

What pisses you off?

Created by ptocheia

Damn right I have a lot of frustration.


Edit: Oh, this too.

Not so much with the confidence though.

I just spent more money on books! Yay! Still, $20 for a hardback, one medium sized paperback, and two small paperbacks isn't bad at all.

I only intended to buy Don't Eat This Book, which I want to use for my English comp term paper. However, I always check the Asian history section, just to see if they had anything good. I found Japanese Homes and their Surroundings. It was written during the Meiji era. As tekararogue said when she saw it on my floor: "Oh, a geek book!" tekararogue is also a geek.

I also picked two new Discworld novels: The Last Continent and The Truth. I pretty much threw my commiment to buy the books in order out the window. Finally, I got Stonewall: The Riots that Sparked the Gay Revolution. It's a hardback. It looks brand new. It was $6. Go me.

I'm reading House of Leaves right now. I'm frustrated because it's proving a slow read. Makes me feel dumb. Despite that, it's quite good. I've also borrowed The Best of H.P. Lovecraft. One of my resolutions for the year is to read some of his work.

I just finished two books by Haruki Murakami. Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman, a collection of short stories, and Underground: The Tokyo Gas Attack and the Japanese Psyche , a nonfiction about The Tokyo Gas Attack. It was a fascinating read. I'm more than a bit pleased that Murakami references Kurt Vonnegut's Slapstick during one of the interviews. One of my favorite authors mentioning another one of my favorites. Also, a quote from one of the short stories from Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman, "A 'Poor Aunt' Story," has the dubious honor of being the first literary quote to appear in my user info.

Underground was fascinating. I highly recommend it. It's very different from Murakami's fiction, I think, so even if you don't like the rest of his work (gasp!), you might like this. It inspired me to order another book on Aum Shinrikyo through inter-library loan.

I'm trying to figure out what my total for 50bookchallenge is, but I haven't been keeping track, and now I can't remember what I've read. Oops.

TRUE STORIES FROM BEYOND THE REFRIGERATOR:

The story I always used to use when describing the state of the fridge at my dad's was the time that I was looking through the vegetable drawer, and saw something green and fuzzy. Wow, I thought, those are some really rotten avocados. Then, I took a closer look. They were not avocados. They were lemons. Lemons completely covered in thick, green mold. Ew. But now I have another story to match it. I was cooking pasta last night, and discovered that we were out of spaghetti sauce, so I went looking for something else to put on the pasta. I saw an open can of diced tomatoes in the fridge. I thought they looked promising, so I checked them out. Weird, I thought, why would anyone put broccoli and cauliflower in with the tomatoes? Then I realized that, you guessed it, it was actually huge sprouts of mold. Ew again.

If anyone is wondering what the hell that had to do with toys in the attic, then they need to watch Cowboy Bebop.

My class schedule:

Monday:

Intro to Environmental Sciences: 10:00-11:15

Elementary Japanese II: 1:00-3:15

Tuesday:

Intro to Women's Studies: 1:00-2:15

Wednesday:

Same as Monday

Thursday:

Same as Tuesday

Friday:

Freshman Comp: 11:30-2:20

I hate how this schedule is laid out. I also hate having to take stupid Freshman comp. The whole point is to learn how to write a research paper. I have written research papers, thank you very much, and they have all been reasonably good. I don't need this class. I'm not even a Freshman.

I am arrogant.

I had my first women's studies class today. It's going to be hard. I have a 2-3 page paper due Thursday. I'm too tired to start today. Besides, since when have I not waited until the last minute?

I am very sleepy.

But books are more important than sleep! I visited Red Letter Books (a local used bookstore), and picked up quite a haul. Bought Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett. It's only a tiny bit scuffed; new books look just the same. New it would have been seven bucks, I payed three-fifty. I also got two books I need to complete a mystery series. The Lauren Laurano mysteries are by Sandra Scoppettone. The star is a lesbian private investigator (I have no idea why, but there are lots of lesbian mystery series out there), however the reason I like them so much is the the titles are puns based off old songs. There's My Sweet Untraceable You (My Sweet Embraceable You), Gonna Take a Homicidal Journey (Gonna Take a Sentimental Journey), Let's Face the Music and Die (Let's Face the Music and Dance), Everything You Have is Mine (Everything I Have is Yours), and I'll Be Leaving You Always (I'll Be Loving You Always). I owned the first three before, but got the last two today. I'm really excited, because to my knowledge, the books are out of print, and I wasn't confident about completing my collection.

I also got poetry. I finally found a collection of T.S. Elliot poems that includes "The Hollow Men" (which is my favorite). You would think that that would be easy to find, considering it's one of his most famous poems, but I'd been having difficulty. Finally, I picked up The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry, which I've long been interested in, but wasn't willing to pay full price. My LA teacher lent the book to me when I was in eighth grade, which was quite a risk. Some of those poems... well, there's a reason "outlaw" is in the title. They're harsh and heavy. My teacher could have gotten in trouble for lending it to a student.

The total came to a little over thirty bucks, which is a good deal for a hardback, a large thick book, and three small paperbacks. Still, it's not the steal that the last used book sale at my school was. Four paperbacks and a VHS for four-fifty. Go me.

I really need to get to reading them. I signed up for the 50bookchallenge. I have no doubt I can make it (arrogance again), but I should get cracking. Right now, I'm halfway through The Fall of the Kings.

Anyway, I know the real reason you're all still reading. Odd sex stories!

( Former Apple exec creates iPod vibrator )

( Japan is whacky )

I just finished Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. Uh...whoa. It was... I don't I've ever not wanted a book to end quite like I did that one. It's definitely my favorite of his. I wish I could say something brilliant and insightful, but I've got nothing.

I'm consistently amazed with Vonnegut. His brain has got to work differently that the rest of the world's. I wonder if it hurts to live with?

I feel like an idiot.

Yes, I should be working. Screw it. There are more important things. Like books.

Let's say you wanted to create a book. Let's say you wanted it to be a book that Veleda would be especially fond of. (I don't know why, you just do.)

Let's make it fantasy. Veleda likes fantasy. It doesn't have to be high fantasy, just something a little different. Let's add some swords. Swords are cool.

Now, let's add gay characters. Veleda loves gay characters, and there aren't nearly enough.

What else? Oh, political intrigue! The courtly kind. Yes, fantastic.

And repartee! Witty banter is so wonderful. Veleda adores repartee.

Protective lovers! Secret identities! People who are defiant while chained and completely at the villain's mercy! Let's really go all out.

When we've done all this, what do we have? We have Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner. Such a fantastic book.

And it's all thanks to wordsofastory.

Edit: There are sequels. Oooh.

I should be happy. Yay no abortion ban in South Dakota! Yay woman Speaker of the House! Yay Democratic majority! Yay Democratic governor in Colorado!

But...

Referendum I failed. That was the domestic partnership bill. Gay couples would have had legal rights. Amendment 43 passed. Discrimination has been enshrined in the Colorado constitution. Gay marriage has been made even more illegal then it already was.

I'm so... I can't concentrate on school.

Fuck this. Fuck those disgusting bigots. I hate them. They were so nasty, so deceptive. They made radio commercials saying "children should have two parents," and decrying divorce. 43 had nothing to do with divorce, fuckwads! They were purposefully misleading.

I almost laughed at a quote in the Colorado Daily. Jim Pfaff a disgusting homophobe, err, I mean a supporter of 43 and an opponent of I said, "The instinct of humans and thousands of years of history show that, without exception, marriage has always been the union between a man and woman."

Excuse me? How stupid is this guy? How ignorant? Polygamy is going on today. These people are pathetic fools.

I hope the GLBT conference I"m going to cheers me up. I'm going to be out of town from Thursday to Sunday.

I need humor. I need to laugh. I need funny queer. I checked out Don't Get Me Started by Kate Clinton, which I haven't read, and That's Mr. Faggot to You by Michael Thomas Ford, which I have. It's probably my favorite of his books, and it has a chapter on beating homophobes. (Not literally, though I wouldn't adverse to that.)

Fuck.

I just finished Cat's Cradle. Now my brain's all wonky. Ugh. No more Vonnegut for me for a while. (Don't get me wrong, I adore his work. I just can't handle much of it at time.)

This post is mainly for more book babble that I forgot to type yesterday.

I visited the Boulder Bookstore yesterday, and was very dismayed to find a used, paperback copy of The Sociopath Next Door (which I highly recommend) for $7.50. I payed $25 for a new hardback copy. I feel I made the right decision then, as I bought it probably about a year ago, and I've read it many times since, but I'm still galled.

BUT, I also found a new, hardback copy of Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boy, normally $27, for $8. So, my personal sense of financial justice was restored.

I was going to read The Communist Manifesto next, but I'm not sure my brain can handle anything so serious. I finished both Norwegian Wood and Cat's Cradle today, and neither Vonnegut nor Murakami are authors that leave one feeling cheery afterward. I'll probably read Anansi Boy... as soon as I can handle reading.

Maybe I should convert to Bokononism. Hey, there's a poll idea. (I like polls.)

Poll #849142 Vin-dit?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

Should Veleda convert to Bokononism?