Okay, so life has been one fuck up after another lately, but you don't need to to know the details right now. Except for one. See, I had to do a survey project for my research methods class. I created a survey, and found people to take it. I had to get twenty filled out. Which is easier said that done, since I'm not sure I even know twenty people, at least not that well.

So, I had one of my classes fill it out (after asking the professor, of course). Only problem is that since this was the last class before fall break, many people were missing. So, I just counted, and I got sixteen. The paper is due tomorrow.

If you are willing to take a survey on verbal sexual harassment, please leave your email (comments will be screened), take the survey, and get it back to me by sometime tomorrow.

What do you get in return? 1) a warm fuzzy feeling from helping me out, and, more importantly, 2) I'll write you a drabble.

And now, commence panicking.

Ok, I have today to write my Judaism paper, tomorrow I work, Monday I study for my Spanish and Anthropology finals, and then on Tuesday I take those finals. Then I'm done... until my summer class.

So, on Wednesday I will attempt to comment and to answer comments. So, if you get a reply from a month-and-a-half ago or more, don't be surprised.

Alternately, on Wednesday, I may drop down dead, because I won't know how to handle having nothing to do.

I think that have reached the end of my Christianity and Democracy paper, at a little over ten pages. Except, it's supposed to be fifteen. I am so very fucked. And I've hardly started my lesbian lit paper. Did I mention that both of these are due today?

I need better coping skills. And time management skills.

This week has been absolutely miserable, and I may be losing my mind. School is too much, and I'm not sure how much longer I can handle it. I can't even take a semester off, because I'm paying for school with my dad's death benefits, and the only way I get those is if I'm in school.

But that's not actually the reason that I'm making this post. I'm making this post because tonight I will be going to a Bruce Springsteen concert! OMGYay! Not that I don't say that I'll be seeing Bruce Springsteen. That would not be accurate, as I have a behind the stage seat. But OMG!

I asked nearly everyone if they wanted to go with me, and everyone refused. Now, of course, they're all saying how they wish that they were going. I tried!

....Eeeeeeee!

I'm skipping anime club for the fourth time in a row. I can hardly believe it. That's been my one guaranteed thing ever since I started CU. But the first week, I went to a book signing by one of my favorite authors, the second week I had pulled an all-nighter and could do little more than go home and collapse, last week... uh, I honestly don't remember. This week, I just can't be bothered. I have to go back eventually, as I borrowed some manga from another member, but...

If I could get myself to do some schoolwork, the night wouldn't be a total loss. School is just killing me. I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. Plus, I appear to have acquired a terminal case of Do Not Give a Damn. This is not good for my GPA. I'm losing my damn mind.

But in "Oh my god, oh my god, this is too unbelievably amazing for words!" news, John Cameron Mitchell, director and star of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," my very favorite movie ever, is going to be at CU! I'll copy and paste the email that I was sent.

On March 16th and 17th the Conference on World Affairs Athenaeum Lecture Series will host filmmaker John Cameron Mitchell on CU's campus. Mr. Mitchell is best known for writing, directing, and starring in the 2001 rock musical film "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," which received the Best Director and Audience Awards at the Sundance Film Festival. His second film, the sexually frank "Shortbus" (2006), won various awards at the Athens and Zurich festivals. As an actor, Mr. Mitchell has also appeared in the original Broadway casts of "The Secret Garden," "Six Degrees of Separation" and "Big River."

On Monday, March 16th Mr. Mitchell will screen "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" in Muenzinger Auditorium at 7 PM and follow with a Q&A. The screening is free and open to the public.

On Tuesday, March 17th at 7 PM Mr. Mitchell will be featured at a FREE catered student dinner, entitled "Hedwig: Life of an Indie Bombshell." He will eat with everyone, and then give a talk on his career experiences as an actor, writer, and director. Seating is limited so to attend you must send an RSVP to ATH@colorado.edu.

I'm really hoping that he'll be able to sign stuff. But what to get signed? I'll probably have my Hedwig script and lyric book signed. I don't have the CD anymore, ever since someone at my dad's house ruined it. (Luckily, the music was ripped to my computer.) I wonder if I'll be able to get more than one thing signed. The movie too, then?

Of course, it will still be wonderful, even if I don't get an autograph. I'm so excited!

I had my last two final exams and turned in my final paper yesterday. One way or another, the semester is over. I may have bombed all three of the exams though. Seriously, I mean that. I could remember hardly anything we learned in class this year during my Spanish final. I just couldn't remember. It was miserable.

But I don't think I'll actually fail anything. (And hopefully I won't get anything less than a C.) I'm not worrying about my grades so much, ever since I decided not to go to grad school. For years, I've been planning on being being a librarian, which requires an advanced degree. But recently I've realized that as much as I love books, my heart belongs to social justice work. So now I plan on working for a non-profit after I graduate, probably feminist or GLBT rights related. I think that I'll be happier this way. I've always planned on at least volunteering, this way I'll have more time to devote to (and get paid for) doing what I was going to do anyway.

I've always hated school. There's just no reason to go to grad school and prolong my misery.

In other news, my Yuletide story is uploaded. Now I'm freaking out, certain that I should have looked over it at least a dozen more times, put stuff in, taken stuff out. Ack! But it's in, and there's nothing else that can be done.

So now there's a huge load off of my mind.

Good news: My Yuletide story is finished and in beta. With almost five whole days to go! (Though why is it that, even after checking the story several times, I only catch really obvious typos after sending it off to betaed?)

Bad news: I have a final paper and two final exams for tomorrow. I've started the paper (about halfway done), but there's still a lot of work to be done. Also my first final is at 7:30 AM, meaning that I'll have to get up at 5:30. I haven't really studied. And it seems unlikely that I'll be getting to bed anytime soon. Sigh. Why do I do this to myself?

Actually, I have theories on why I do this to myself, which should be saved for a locked post behind a cut so as to not inflict it on too many people.

But I am trying to instill more self confidence in myself. How am I doing this, you ask? Self help books? Cognitive therapy? The power of positive thinking? Actually (gasp!) doing my work on time?

No! I'm listening to lots of Queen. No, seriously. What with, "Princes of the Universe," "We Will Rock You," "We Are the Champions," and others, has there ever been a bad more impressed with themselves?

My plan, it is flawless. Plus, you know, it's fun to dance to.

The only conclusion that I can reach is that I am inherently incompetent. How else to explain the way I am completely unable to manage my life? Still don't have that damn paper done, was late to my Spanish oral exam, am completely unprepared for finals, may be on the verge of a complete mental breakdown, and I just finished being an asshole (and making myself look like a complete idiot in the process) on the internet.

Part of being fucked up in the head is being occasionally surprised at how fucked up in the head I am. There was an anonymous love meme a just little while ago (basically: comment on a set up post and people will say nice things about you). I thought briefly about posting my own name, but couldn't do it. Asking people to tell me how much they liked me? How terribly egotistical and arrogant. Which, on further reflection, was odd. I didn't think that of anyone else who signed up. It was fine for other people. So why was it bad for me? Then I thought, "But those people deserve to be loved.

...I might maybe possibly have self-esteem issues.

Should be writing that paper, but I'm not. Because I am terribly self-destructive, la la la.

It's so obnoxious and depressing. I make posts like this at the end of every semester. You think I would have figured out how to change. Instead, I do the same thing over and over again.


Blargh.

Today in Abnormal Psych, we went over Gender Identity Disorder. It went better than I was anticipating. (The section of the book on GID is horrid. The case study is a man who thinks he's a woman, but actually turns out to be just only confused, and he simply needed the therapist to talk some sense into him! And very little attention payed to the fact that that's not normally how it goes, damn it.) The teacher had some pronoun issues, but it was clear that he knew what pronouns he was supposed to be using, he just kept slipping up. And he'd correct himself. As unofficial transgender ambassador to the cisgender world, I filled in blanks in his knowledge, and he was grateful for it. (I was worried that he'd see me as a stuck up know-it-all. Which, okay, I am, but that's beside the point.) And none of the students said anything stupid or offensive! I was pleasantly surprised.

I am under massive stress, but I'm dealing quite well. I'm firmly convinced that the world is a horrible, evil place, but it's a relaxed, matter-of-fact sort of opinion. And I think it should largely dissipate once I a) get more of my mood stabilizers and b) am finished with finals.

Stupid NextRX. All I want to do is order more drugs. Why are you making it so difficult?

Just for the hell of it, some articles. First, something cheerful.

( Obama critized for using complete sentences )

Now, not so silly.

( Red Sex, Blue Sex. Why do so many evangelical teen-agers become pregnant? )

In the spirit of the discussion in psych class:

( Atlanta's Intersex Police Officer Seeks Awareness )

Just how much of a procrastinator am I? So much that I'm even late in wishing myself a happy birthday. Happy birthday me!

It was a really fun birthday, for all I was dreading it. I got lots of a presents. (Seriously, I was spoiled this year. I think my mom feels guilty that my father isn't around to celebrate my birthday.) Plus, my mom, my brother, and I went out to a really nice restaurant. The food was so good. It was a little embarrassing, but, man, you would have thought that I was orgasming right there in the restaurant. It was really yummy. (Lobster ravioli with tiger shrimp, sushi grade ahi tuna with tempura sea scallops, and three different kinds of crème brûlée.) Also, I had my first legal drink! I don't remember what it was called, but it was good. (I do remember what was in it: champagne, blackberry syrup, and a twist of lemon.)

I'm back to slacking off regarding my school work. Two weeks of studying hard, then it's back to bad habits. But my life is moving forward in other ways. I signed up to start volunteering at Left Hand Books, a not for profit, volunteer staffed, radical bookstore. I'm really excited. It will give me experience with books, which will be helpful when I want to start grad school/my career as a librarian. Not only that, but I'll around people who can relate to me. See, I care. I care about the environment, racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, the oppression of developing nations by the American empire, the erosion of civil rights in the US, political prisoners being tortured, attacks on science by the religious right, blatantly false sexual education being taught in our schools, and more. I care a whole hell of a lot. This sounds like bragging, but it's just a fact. And I don't know many people who care on the same level. But at Left Hand Books, I'll be able to find plenty.

I keep meaning to do an article post, but politics are depressing me so much. I should at least do my "John McCain is a homophobic, sexist, hypocritical, warmonger, and no one should vote for him; also Sarah Palin is sexist, horribly homophobic, hypocritical, blatant liar, and no one should vote for her either" post.

So, yeah, that's me right now. Oh, here's a meme from andmydog:

When you see this, post a Douglas Adams quote in your journal.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Why do I do this to myself? My Christian history paper is now going to be two days late. The best possible grade that I can hope for is a B-. I could have turned it on time if I had applied a modicum of effort, and yet. i really wish I knew why I continue to sabotage myself. I just hope that i can force myself to do it tonight.

I shouldn't be given any leniency. If I was told that I had to turn this paper in on time or fail the class, I would have done it. In other words, I would excel if I lived in a dictatorship. That's a cheery thought.

Feminist Theories of Justice (which isn't very feminist or just) is driving me nuts! This is the class that I was thinking of dropping. Obviously I didn't. The more fool I. The teacher was complaining today because so many of the students aren't coming prepared. Normally, that would perfectly valid. However, given that I've talked to people who say that they aren't doing the reading the reading because they find it a waste of their time (and heaven knows many of the reading drive me crazy), there seems to be something other than laziness at work. This is an upper division class, and most of us are serious about the subject. If the majority of the students aren't doing a majority of the readings, then maybe the fault isn't entirely with us. I think I'm going to have to go to their office hours. I've been thinking about for a while, but what really clinched it is the fact that last week, another student made a transphobic comment... and neither of the teachers said a god damn thing. And they wonder why I'm not "engaged in the class"! I'm not putting up with this shit anymore.

In fandom news, I've signed up to write five stories for springkink, which is a lot for me, but I think that I can do it.


( Claims )

I wish that I was as excited for yuri_challenge. I had a lot of fun the first time that I participated, but the past two times have been a disappointment. last time, the prompt/request system wasn't done very well, but this time it's just that I can't find any prompts that I'm really excited about. Plus, while I understand the "no characters under 18 depicted having sex" rule, it does limit what I can do. (And makes me unwilling to take the Kozue/Shiori prompt. There can't not be sex in that.)

Oh well. I suppose that having less to do isn't exactly a bad thing.

So, I'm writing a paper on Catholic Just War Theory and it's relationship to the war in Kosovo/the Balkans during the Clinton administration. I chose that conflict specifically, because I figure that everyone in the class will choose the current war in Iraq, and because while I want the war to end, and I hate Bush as much as anyone, I dislike the common view that's very much "This is all the Republicans' fault, and bush is the most evil president since Nixon, since he got us into a war." The democrats are not heroes, people.

But, that's not the revisionist history I came here to talk to you about.

While doing my research, I came across this quote:

The desire to avoid war is a fundamental idea in the Christian view of politics, just as the romanticization of war is a pagan one that reflects a disregard for the sanctity of life.

Tell the first part of that sentence to our current administration. As I've stated, Bush isn't unique in going to war, but I'm fairly sure that his constant invoking the power of God is not usual. Presidents usually talk about democracy, freedom, and justice when they want to justify war. It's propaganda meant to tug at your heartstrings, but it's secular.

Also, tell it to Emperor Constantine, who converted to Christianity specifically to gain victory in battle. Tell it to Pope Urban I, who called on his followers to go "retake the holy land" (kill Muslims), and so started the first crusade. Unfortunately, his speech was among the most convincing in history, because a mass of peasants did go out and try to "retake the holy land." Along the way, they slaughtered a lot of Jews, until they finally reached Jerusalem... and were promptly all killed by the Muslims, because the Muslims had an army, and the peasants were... you know, peasants and sightly lacking in military training.

And you know I have a warped, morbid sense of humor, because I envision this last battle as a kind of Eddie Izzard-esque farce. (I'm also adding in Eddie Izzard's voice, which automatically makes it funny.)

Muslim One: What the hell is up with these guys?
Muslim Two: Some Christians. They're revolting.
Muslim One: I'm not going to make the obvious joke. What are they armed with?
Muslim Two: Well, they've got some shovels.
Muslim One: Shovels?
Muslim Two: A few of them might have pitchforks.
Muslim One: That's not going to be much of fair fight.
Muslim Two: I don't know. You don't want to know what they did to the Jews along the way.
Muslim One: ...We can't make that funny.
Muslim Two: Better end the skit, then.

And that's how it happened.

As for the second part: "just as the romanticization of war is a pagan one that reflects a disregard for the sanctity of life," well, that's just insulting.

EDIT: Another quote!

Just war doctrine wasn’t so widely ignored at one point in U.S. history. During the Civil War, Tom Woods of Columbia University has pointed out, Catholic newspapers in the North-at the direction of the bishops-editorialized on behalf of the South, the region that fought with a just cause in mind, first for the principle of subsidiarity, and to protect homes and property from invading Union troops. Slavery has long been discouraged by Catholic teaching, but Just War doctrine could not be violated to abolish it.

That is, the greater evil-war-could not be used to end a lesser evil. Slavery should have been discontinued, as is was in all other countries except Haiti, by peaceful means

The words, they fail me. I don't see how fighting for the right to own human being can be thought of as just cause. And who is this guy to decide that slavery is the "lesser evil"?

Dear St. Augustine,

I hate you. Hate, hate, hate, hate. I hate you, and your Confessions, and your philosophizing.

It's not the fact that you're Christian. I just hate your style of writing. I also hate your constant toadying. Yeah, yeah, God is great. I get it. Did you really need multiple books to say it?

Tomorrow for recitation I have to answer three questions: "What examples does Augustine give in his Confessions of his youthful wantonness?", "How does Augustine answer the question, 'What was God doing before he made heaven and earth?'", and "What is Augustine's conception of free will?"

Damn it! I agreed to read the guy. Actually paying attention and understanding him was not part of the deal.

For those of you who have never read Augustine, let me put it this way: Freud would have a field day. He idolizes his mother and strongly resents his father. ("My father went beyond his means and worked hard to ensure that I had the best education possible. The bastard!") He also has a fascination both with punishing others and being punished. Let me tell you, this guy didn't need God. He needed a sex club with a focus on S&M and age play. It probably would have made for a much more tolerable read.

... I'm so going to hell.

It's unfortunate for me that Augustine is one of the most influential theologians ever. Especially if I decide to minor in religious studies.

In other school related news, I'm torn about whether or not to drop Feminist Theories of Justice. The class is infuriating me. I expected to learn about feminism, not "Genocide for Beginners: Step One: Dehumanization for Fun and Profit." Seriously, we read an essay by Martha C. Nussbaum in which she set out of list of what makes people human. This list includes sexual desire (bad news for asexuals, and, as my mother pointed out, many menopausal women), mobility (She states that "an anthropomorphic being who, without disability, chose never to move from birth to death would be hard to view as human," however, she never actually exempts paraplegics from the criteria), humor and play (too bad for people who may not have time or opportunity to play), cognitive reasoning, and others. Even if you don't find these criteria as troubling as I do, I still think that trying to label only certain living Homo sapiens as human is really fucking creepy. The first step when you want to destroy a group of people is dehumanizing them. To be told that I should take this seriously as feminist writing is ridiculous.

What's even worse, is that the teachers can't see beyond the theories. The fact that actual people are involved seems to escape them. This isn't exactly surprising. They're men, so sexism can exist for them only in theory. They're philosophy majors, and philosophy is pretty much the study of stuff that makes no practical difference. (... I have little patience for philosophy.) But for some of us, this stuff is real! Sexism is real for me. Feminism is real. What's truly horrible about this is that when someone feels hurt or bothered by what we read, the teachers brush them off. When I felt that one of the theories was victim blaming, I was simply told that I didn't really understand. One young woman was deeply upset by the Nussbaum essay. Her nephew had lived only to the age of ten, and when he was born he was severely disabled in just about every respect. She felt that she was being told that the nephew that she had loved wasn't human. She was basically ignored.

These two men don't know shit about real life victim blaming. During my sophomore year of high school, I was tormented daily. Another student hated me. I was a female bodied, radical feminist queer. He threatened to set me on fire (while holding a lighter), threatened to "kick [my] ass," and expressed a desire to see me raped. The other students supported him, and the teacher did nothing. During parent/teacher conferences at the end of the year, I finally worked up the courage to talk to the principal and the other teachers. What happened? I was blamed for not saying anything earlier. The teacher was right there! It was a class of eight! It wasn't a secret! Nobody cared, and I was afraid that I would be in physical danger if I told. When I read an essay stating that everyone is responsible for injustice, even those being oppressed, that's what I think of. Whether I'm right about the theory being victim blaming is beside the point. The point is that I raised an objection and my experience was judged as irrelevant by two cisgender, most likely straight, men who, I'd wager, have never had to worry that a classmate may rape them.

The same holds true for the woman whose cousin died. Her real life experience was declared inferior to an abstract theory by people who had never been in her position.

I have until the end of the week. At that point it will be impossible to drop. I just don't know.

... I have a mountain of homework.

Well, it's not exactly necessary information, but I feel that I should let people know that weeks ago, I dropped out of Japanese and picked up Spanish. It's not that I couldn't have Japanese, but I would have made myself miserable doing so. I'm unhappy enough without doing pointless shit to add to it. Now I'm thinking of dropping Feminist Theories of Justice. That's the one being taught by two male, philosophy grad students. I swore that I would give that class and the teachers a chance, and I have. Now I want out. I have until the 29th to decide.

Now, the shameless begging! Everyone should go join Wish Kisses over at insanejournal! And don't tell me that you can't because you don't have an insanejournal account. It's as easy as getting lj account, plus free users get one hundred user pics. Tell me that that isn't cool.

Seriously, join because there are all of seven people there, and very few fandoms that I know are being requested. You don't even have to write! Just request! Get going!

In further shameless begging, does anyone have time for an emergency beta? My sprinkink fic that due the day after tomorrow is done, but I'd like someone besides me to go over. It's GetBackers, porny Himiko/Clayman.

In other news, I am filled with unfounded rage. I am so very pissed off, and I'm not even sure why. Huh.

This has been a very bad day.I didn't get enough sleep last night, so I've been groggy all day. I woke up to my period, which, of course, means agonizing cramps. Luckily, I have plenty of painkillers, but taking them made me even more tired.

Today was the first day of class. Shoot me know. First class was Feminist Theories. (Apparently the full title is Feminist Theories of Justice. The more you know.) I sat in front, waiting for the professor, while a young man that I assumed was the TA handed out syllabi. Then he went to the front of the room and sat facing us with another young man. As it turns out, my feminist theory class is being taught my male grad students studying, not women and gender studies, but philosophy. I wouldn't have minded the "male" part so much if they had at least acknowledged it. If for some reason I was teaching a class about an oppressed group that I was not part of, I would definitely mention that I could never fully understand the experience, and that my privilege colors my perceptions. And I also wouldn't object to a male professor with a degree in women's studies. It's all of the whole package that gets to me.

I seem to be the only person who feels this way, however. Most students were delighted to have male teachers. And my mother thinks I'm overreacting. She pointed out that she taught classes while getting her masters. I rebutted that she had an undergraduate degree in psychology, was getting her masters in psychology, and hence was teaching psychology.

Japanese... I don't think that I can do it. There's just too much I can't remember, too much I don't know. I had an anxiety attack in the middle of class, and I left wanting to kill myself. That's not hyperbole. I'm not sure I should be taking a class that makes me suicidal. My best option may be to drop it and pick up Spanish as a language. Except all the Spanish classes are filled.

I'm not bad at everything. I'm a quick reader and good at analyzing what I read. I love abstract concepts. I have an extensive vocabulary. I love history, though I'm not good at remembering specific dates. However, I'm not good at languages, math, science, and other subjects that require a lot of memorization, and it pisses me off something awful that the education system has no respect for different kinds of intelligence. All the Japanese classes I've taken have gone far too fast for me. I would benefit from a class that moved at a slower pace. Hell, I don't really see the point of a language requirement at all. Many, if not most, people can take a language all through college and end up not really speaking a word. A classroom setting is a poor way to learn a language. That's common knowledge.

I hate myself, I hate school, and I hate the world.

Today is the last day of winter break. I think I may cry. (No, not really.) For the edification of all involved (I so pretentious) I'm going to post my class list.

Beginning Japanese 2: (Monday-Friday)
Christian Tradition: (Monday, Wednesday)
Christian Tradition Recitation: (Wednesday)
Women of Color and Activism: (Tuesday, Thursday)
Feminist Theories: (Monday, Wednesday, Friday)

There are no words to describe just how much I am dreading Japanese. I am so, so bad at foreign languages. I don't want to fail!

I was excited about Christian Tradition. I find religion really interesting. Then, my mother pointed out that the class is probably going to be filled with fundies. Damn it. I can still hope, right? Maybe most of the people taking the class will be like me, and be interested without being too deeply invested. Please? I don't want to have deal with fundies every Monday and twice on Wednesdays for an entire semester.

I've been looking forward to Women of Color and Activism, and I don't know if I'm going to like Feminist Theories or not. One on hand, feminism, yay. On the other hand, too many theory classes seem to involve studying people who really need to get out more.

In other news, I'm now on Good Reads as Veleda. I don't quite know why anyone would want to friend me, but I'm there just in case anyone does want to. Or you can just look to mock my reading habits. Oh, and tekararogue should join. Because I want to know all about you're reading. Of course, I could just ask, but where's the fun in that?

Speaking of books, I just finished Grl 2 Grl by Julie Ann Peters. It's a young adult short story collection, and a very true to life one. Ironically, I think that that's what kept me from really enjoying it. Grl 2 Grl perfectly captures the pain of coming out in high school, suffering through your first crush, and losing your first girlfriend. But, you see, I'm twenty, I've already come out, gotten over my first crush, and been dumped by my first girlfriend years ago. It's a great book for teenagers, especially queer teenagers who are feeling alone. It's the type of book that I would have devoured my freshman year of high school. Excellent YA fiction can be enjoyed by any age group, unfortunately Grl 2 Grl is just good YA fiction.

I was actually disappointed, because I know that Julie Ann Peters is capable of better. I loved her book Luna, which is the only YA novel about transgenderism that I've found. That one, I recommend. I also own her book, Keeping You a Secret, but I still have yet to read it.

I'm currently reading The Demon Lover: On the Sexuality of Terrorism by Robin Morgan, which is interesting. I'll tell you more when I've finished.

I hate school just so everyone knows.

It would help if my teachers would actually tell me what they want me to do. My chem teacher has a habit of testing us on a concept, and then teaching it to us. My Japanese lit teacher expects us to automatically know how to format our homework with actually, you know, telling us. Plus, I can never figure out what kinds of questions she going to ask on the tests. Also, she keeps berating us for not analyzing what we read, but she never asks us analytical questions, just random facts.

I like the teacher for my History of Asian American class very much. I also like the content a whole lot. The real problem is the other students. I was excited about taking an upper division women's studies class, because I thought I'd be leaving behind the ignorant attitudes found in the intro classes. Well, boy was I wrong. How ignorant do you have to be to think that the concept of Ladies Night is the same as affirmative action? I mean, really. I was talking with the teacher about my frustration yesterday, and she told me that it always ends up being a bit of an intro class. The good news is that she likes me a lot. I told her that I was reluctant to say to much, as I didn't want to be the white person dominating a discussion involving women of color, but her response was pretty much, "Dear god, please keep talking!" I guess it's best if someone is actually representing the feminist point of view.

My global feminism class is so-so.

I should be doing homework, yes I should.

I should also be writing. I have two spring kink stories due early next month. I also need to finish the second chapter of Same Plot, Different Shinigami, which has been languishing for months. I have fans! Real actual fans who want to read more, and what do I do? I let them down. Go me. I also need to get to get back to ravenbell about her yaoi challenge story. Like, yesterday. Jesus Christ I suck! Oh, and sooner or later I'm going to have to bite the bullet and start my original story, which tekararogue is so eager read. It has assassins, lesbians, and a sociopath (who is not one of the lesbians), so it has all of my favorite things. I just have no confidence in my ability to write original fiction, and no clue how to start.

Oh, and I want to write a ficlet for the yuri_challenge drabble challenge. (yuri_challenge is accepting prompts right now. Go here and request some!)

Anyway, that's a good bit of what's going on with me write now. There's more serious stuff, but I'm just not up to discussing it right now. Too damn tired.

I am very tired, as I have not been getting near enough sleep.

I'm currently getting my jollies from this. Christianity for kids! (Or "kidz," apparently.) I swear, I don't even go looking for this stuff. It just falls into my lap.

Particularly tasty tidbits include the section on atheists.

Spiritual Safety Tip:

What should you do if you find an Atheist?

If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!

You may be moved to try and witness to
these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!

Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.

Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.

Dear Lady in the earth, are we talking about atheists or child molesters? (Though I suppose to these people there's not much difference. Hell, they'd probably prefer a Christian abuser.)

And who could forget "Creation Science Fun Facts!" Did you know that the T-Rex was an herbivore? The teeth for were tearing plants!

...I could not make this shit up. I can't even figure out why they would lie/delude themselves about this. What whacky religious purpose does it serve? The friendly giraffe "scientist" assures me that everybody on Noah's arc was safe because of this, but it's not as if there weren't other predators. Are they going to try and tell me that wolves and lions are herbivores too? Maybe they were back then! Except that would indicate evolution. THIS IS VERY CONFUSING.

Only slightly more coherent is that, apparently, the bombardier beetle was given its ability to shoot boiling liquid out of its butt as a testament against evolution.

Edit: Oh my goodness, it's a parody. The best I've seen since Landover Baptist. I'm leaving this post up anyway. They suckered me. (Of course, it's kind of a sad that I didn't suspect that it was a joke. Says something about the current religious climate.)

In other news, it's about time that I posted my class schedule:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday:
11:00-11:50 - Gender, Race, and Class in a Global Context
12:00-12:50 - Introduction to Chemistry

Tuesday, Thursday:
9:00-11:50 - Intro to Chemistry Lab/Recitation (Tuesday only)
2:00-3:15 - History of Asian American Women
3:30-4:45 - Masterpieces of Japanese Literature in Translation

Today I have:

1. Mocked religion
2. Become Marxist Commie scum
3. Been a queer Women's Studies major

To go into more detail, after posting my poll I went to class. Because it's the first week of class, there are even more groups and organizations in the UMC (University Memorial Center, the student union building) than usual. I counted no less than three Christian groups. One had illustrated pamphlets available, one of which said, "If went to heaven, and God asked you 'Why should I let you in?' What would you say?" My thoughts: "I would say 'What the hell is this, twenty questions?' You're supposed to omniscient. You should know this shit." I WILL NEVER GET INTO HEAVEN AT THIS RATE.

Then, after class, I was stopped by representatives from the Marxist newspaper "Workers Vanguard," who wanted me to subscribe. Now, I'm not a Socialist (more of a "This Shit is Fucked Up"ist), but I'm all for bringing down the system and fighting the power. (Fight the man, man!) Plus, it was ten bucks for a year's subscription plus some interesting literature. So I gave them ten dollars and signed up.

As for the "queer women's studies major" part, well, that's an ongoing thing.

All this means that I am just waiting for the Men in Black to come to my door and make me...disappear.

Do not forget me!

"So now I'm coming to class sober, which is a major step."

Ah, college.

(  Important Lubricant Survey )

You probably never thought of this, but women's shelters in the U.S. go
through thousands of tampons and pads monthly. Assistance agencies generally help with expenses of "everyday" necessities such as toilet paper, diapers, and clothing, but one of the most BASIC needs is overlooked feminine hygiene products.

Seventh Generation, a green paper products and cleaning products company, has a do-good attitude and will donate a box of sanitary products to a women's shelter in your chosen state - just for clicking the link. Talk about easy and legitimate!

http://www.tampontification.com/donate.php

Finally, a youtube video that explores whether or not Americans are truly as stupid as we're rumored to be: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJuNgBkloFE

And now for a long overdue fic roundup. The February round of wishkisses!

I wrote:

Forever and a Day. Saiyuki, Homura/Rinrei. (There's practically nothing for this couple. I think it's a shame.)

The Painted Jezebel and Her Den of Sin. Good Omens, Shadwell/Tracy. (I wrote for a non-anime fandom. Again!)

Reading is Fundamental!. Saiyuki, Konzen/Goku. (I am deeply ashamed of this story. As well I should be. But I am unrepentant)

Spur of the Moment. Yami no Matsuei, Hisoka/Tsuzuki. (Only one YnM fic? Shocking.)

Written for me:

Hostage. Trigun, Vash/Meryl. (Eee! So awesome.)

Female Fashion. Yami no Matsuei, Kazuma/Nonomiya (The Peace Preservation/Security women from volume nine). (There are two versions of the same fic.)

An Important Reminder. Kyou Kara Maou, Original King/Great Sage. (There's not nearly enough written for this pairing.)

Field Tactics. Saiyuki, Hakkai/Sanzo. (This story is beyond awesome.)



In other, far less interesting news, I've started applying to CU. I need to send in my high school and college transcripts, my GED scores, and write the personal essay. Bleh. This is such a hassle.

TRUE STORIES FROM BEYOND THE REFRIGERATOR:

The story I always used to use when describing the state of the fridge at my dad's was the time that I was looking through the vegetable drawer, and saw something green and fuzzy. Wow, I thought, those are some really rotten avocados. Then, I took a closer look. They were not avocados. They were lemons. Lemons completely covered in thick, green mold. Ew. But now I have another story to match it. I was cooking pasta last night, and discovered that we were out of spaghetti sauce, so I went looking for something else to put on the pasta. I saw an open can of diced tomatoes in the fridge. I thought they looked promising, so I checked them out. Weird, I thought, why would anyone put broccoli and cauliflower in with the tomatoes? Then I realized that, you guessed it, it was actually huge sprouts of mold. Ew again.

If anyone is wondering what the hell that had to do with toys in the attic, then they need to watch Cowboy Bebop.

My class schedule:

Monday:

Intro to Environmental Sciences: 10:00-11:15

Elementary Japanese II: 1:00-3:15

Tuesday:

Intro to Women's Studies: 1:00-2:15

Wednesday:

Same as Monday

Thursday:

Same as Tuesday

Friday:

Freshman Comp: 11:30-2:20

I hate how this schedule is laid out. I also hate having to take stupid Freshman comp. The whole point is to learn how to write a research paper. I have written research papers, thank you very much, and they have all been reasonably good. I don't need this class. I'm not even a Freshman.

I am arrogant.

I had my first women's studies class today. It's going to be hard. I have a 2-3 page paper due Thursday. I'm too tired to start today. Besides, since when have I not waited until the last minute?

I am very sleepy.

But books are more important than sleep! I visited Red Letter Books (a local used bookstore), and picked up quite a haul. Bought Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett. It's only a tiny bit scuffed; new books look just the same. New it would have been seven bucks, I payed three-fifty. I also got two books I need to complete a mystery series. The Lauren Laurano mysteries are by Sandra Scoppettone. The star is a lesbian private investigator (I have no idea why, but there are lots of lesbian mystery series out there), however the reason I like them so much is the the titles are puns based off old songs. There's My Sweet Untraceable You (My Sweet Embraceable You), Gonna Take a Homicidal Journey (Gonna Take a Sentimental Journey), Let's Face the Music and Die (Let's Face the Music and Dance), Everything You Have is Mine (Everything I Have is Yours), and I'll Be Leaving You Always (I'll Be Loving You Always). I owned the first three before, but got the last two today. I'm really excited, because to my knowledge, the books are out of print, and I wasn't confident about completing my collection.

I also got poetry. I finally found a collection of T.S. Elliot poems that includes "The Hollow Men" (which is my favorite). You would think that that would be easy to find, considering it's one of his most famous poems, but I'd been having difficulty. Finally, I picked up The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry, which I've long been interested in, but wasn't willing to pay full price. My LA teacher lent the book to me when I was in eighth grade, which was quite a risk. Some of those poems... well, there's a reason "outlaw" is in the title. They're harsh and heavy. My teacher could have gotten in trouble for lending it to a student.

The total came to a little over thirty bucks, which is a good deal for a hardback, a large thick book, and three small paperbacks. Still, it's not the steal that the last used book sale at my school was. Four paperbacks and a VHS for four-fifty. Go me.

I really need to get to reading them. I signed up for the 50bookchallenge. I have no doubt I can make it (arrogance again), but I should get cracking. Right now, I'm halfway through The Fall of the Kings.

Anyway, I know the real reason you're all still reading. Odd sex stories!

( Former Apple exec creates iPod vibrator )

( Japan is whacky )

The Art and Craft of Writing: A

Modern Japan: B

Social Psychology: B

Introduction to Sociology: A

Argh Modern Japan! I could have gotten an A had I only used footnotes on the final paper! Grr.

But, not too shabby, in all honesty.

In other school related news, I've finally signed up for all my classes. Turns out I don't need another math class after all. Isn't that funny? Hahahahahaha! Somebody DIES for this.

With that in mind, I only needed one more class for my core requirements would be met, at that was another "Arts and Letters" class. You would think that a class called The Art and Craft of Writing would fulfill that, but you would be using logic, and thus would be wrong. The problem is that I took so long trying to get a math class, that most classes are full up. Every Arts and Letters class I looked up was either full or conflicted with my schedule, and there was no way I was dropping Japanese, or the class I should have taken Freshman year. In the end, I just said "fuck it" and took a woman's studies course. It would be weird for me to go all through college without taking one, radical feminist that I am.

I have just the kind of schedule that I hate. I was stuck with it the first semester of Freshman year, and have managed to avoid it since, but not this time. I have two classes Monday and Wednesday, one class Tuesday and Thursday, and a Friday class. I hate having Friday classes. I want a three day weekend! Plus, I hate making an hour commute two days of the week just to take a single hour and fifteen minute class.

Bah.

Christmas Eve tomorrow. Yay. I want my presents. Seriously, Christmas has zero spiritual meaning to me. That's Yule. Christmas is just the day that I get stuff.

It's not like Jesus was born at the end of December anyway. The Christians totally co-opted the various pagan holidays already in existence. One of them was the birth of the god Mithras. Mithras was known as the light of the world and the Good shepherd. His followers broke bread in his honor.

I'm just saying.

I'm trying to sign up for classes. I'm having a little trouble. I need to send in my SAT scores to prove that I don't need remedial math (I don't, by the way). I gave an advisor my scores last year, but apparently he lost them. Wonderful. So I call my high school to ask if they still have my scores on record. They do. Excellent. The secretary warns me that Metro might not accept them from a high school rather than the official SAT place thingie, but I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

So, now I have to figure out where to fax the records to. I call student services, but the woman doesn't know. She says it would either the registrar or admissions. She guesses registrar, and sends me there. They say that they can't take them, and send me to admissions. They say that I can't fax transcripts at all. I need to send them by mail. I explain that I was told to fax them. He says that if a specific person asked for them, then I should send them to that person. Except I don't have the fax number or even the name of the advisor I talked to. (At Metro you don't have a personal advisor, which apparently happens at other colleges. You just see whoever's available.)

So, now I have to find someone to send the scores to. I'm never going to get to take a math class.

Things to do:

Find someone at Metro to help me fix the problem

Call a local theater director to let her know I want to join her group

Go into Boulder, go to Boulder Bookstore, and read some lesbian erotica. (For research purposes only!)

Decorate the Christmas tree at my mom's house

Return an overdue library book

Get Christmas presents for my mom and step-mom

What I am doing:

Procrastinating

Not writing either of the two papers I have due tomorrow

Hating myself

Trying to convince myself that watching the NHK Shinsengumi Drama counts as research for my modern Japanese history paper