You know, I was thinking about how neat it would be to have a mini Groundhog Day scenario, in which I got a day where nothing counted. I could do whatever I wanted, then when I woke up the next morning no one would remember, and I would relive the day again.

Then I realized that I would probably just spend the day goofing off on the internet. Sad but true.

I'm finally making progress on the Merlin/Morgana fic that I've been trying to write. It's amazing how much easier it is to write a story once you realize what it wants to be. I thought it was supposed to be sparse and minimalist, no more than a double drabble. Turns out that the scene I was picturing wanted to be more than two hundred words, and it wanted to be just one scene in a longer fic. The more you know!

I have been having some very strange dreams. There was the one where I was vaguely disconcerted by the possible expired tofurky in my fridge. (Maybe it was planning something, I don't know.) Then there was the one I had last night. I was living in a condo right across from a Boulder restaurant called The Sink. My mother came over to visit and was really angry when she saw what a mess it was, because as it turns out, it was the condo I'm living in now that belongs to her husband. I could be forgiven for not knowing this, since it looked completely different and was a completely different location. Anyway, I ended up having a nervous breakdown in a bathtub (which for some reason was in the kitchen) in which I began to believe that all the characters that I write fanfic about were actually real. Then my mother came in and was all, "Do you really have to have a nervous breakdown now?" so I tried to stop... and then I woke up. I believe that dream to be a mix of a desire for hamburgers, writing fanfic late at night, and recently cleaning the bathtub.

I'd tell you about the dream I had while I was napping earlier this evening, but any dream after which one wakes up and thinks, "But why was the bestiality there?" is probably not a dream which should be shared with the public.

I am currently amusing myself with McSweeney's Lists. I particularly like Footnotes, Endnotes, and Parentheticals That Cost Me Marks on My Thesis, Less Popular Alternatives to First-Person Shooters, The Lesser-Known Slogans of Political Moderates, James Bond Films for the George W. Bush Era, and Rarely Used Parenthetical Statements. Also, for b_hallward, Classes My Top-Tier Law School Should Have Offered as Warnings About the Profession.

La, la, la, I think that I'm done.

EDIT: Also, Things That Will Destroy My Heterosexual Marriage Long Before Gay Marriage Ever Will. Rabid dogs with chainsaws for tails: Indeed a serious threat to marriage.

What does it mean when you dream about being unable to sleep?

Just wondering.

My dream a few nights ago featured Cain Hargreaves, Lina Inverse, and the Ninth Doctor flying around in the TARDIS, having crazy adventures. It was awesome. I really wish I hadn't woken up when I did, because they were in the middle of something really cool

So, in last night's dream, someone (I think that it was tekararogue, but I'm not certain) drove me into downtown Boulder and left. I get out of the car, and look at my torso, thinking that it's odd that I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt, because, given how my legs feel, I must be wearing shorts. I look down further and discover that I am not wearing shorts. In fact, I am not wearing pants at all. You think the person driving could have mentioned this to me.

So, I'm stuck in downtown Boulder, unable to get home by bus or call someone to come and get me. I don't have my wallet, you see. There's certainly no place for it my boxers. I can't go to my mother for help (she works in downtown), because it's Sunday, so she's not at work. Luckily, I find a friend of hers, who gives me money. (And kindly doesn't comment on the fact that I am not wearing pants. Although, given that nobody reacted to my pantless state, I'm not sure that anyone besides me noticed.)

That's when I woke up. I pulled off the covers and realized... that I wasn't wearing my sleep pants. I still have absolutely no recollection of taking them off during the night.

Apparently, my subconscious thinks that pants are an oppressive tool of the Man.

I feel the need to chronicle the dream I had last night.

It started in a house in the mountains where I was living with my mom and my brother. We owned a hammock that was hung off the edge of the house above a scary, steep cliff. I was in the hammock, reading. Except, I was scared to death, because I'm in a swinging hammock over a freaking cliff, and I was worried that I was going to die. I couldn't think how I was going to get out. (And, actually, I couldn't figure out how I got in.)

I think I get the meaning. I feel that I am, metaphorically, hanging over a cliff in my life.

Then, we cut to the second part of the dream. I am now I completely different person. I'm living in the house that Veleda-me and zir family moved out of. Unfortunately, the house had been taken over by a gang of sadistic sociopaths. I was terrified that they were going to kill me. Not only were they horrible in general, they were violently homophobic, and I was a gay man. I managed to escape, but I was so terrified that they would come after me that I couldn't stop running. I found a neighborhood I felt safe in, but then I heard a hate group coming, and I got scared again. Luckily, I was rescued! Yes, by Sailor Moon and her Sailor Senshi.

...I'm not making that up. They didn't actually have powers, if I remember correctly. It's more that they were a group who went around saving people from hate crimes, and they had modeled themselves after the Sailor Senshi.

...DO I CRITIQUE YOUR DREAMS? HUH?

Then, we moved to the third part of the dream. I was Veleda-me again. I was visiting my aunt and uncle with my brother and tekararogue. Except that they live in Virginia and we appeared to be in Hawaii. We watched a Japanese commercial for a pop idol, in which said idol was dressed up in schoolgirl uniform, tied up, and being carted off by a scary person. It wasn't really much weirder than anything you might see on actual Japanese TV. Oh! I also had a boom box that turned into a computer. It was awesome. tekararogue had to show me how to use it though. Because even in dreams I suck with technology. Then, I went to a concert by one of my favorite singers. And I had chicken. I knew that I shouldn't, because even in the dream I was all "no red meat, poultry, or pork." But I wanted it so bad. And by this point I knew it was a dream. I had had to ponder the moral rightness of eating chicken in a dream.

So, yeah.

Before I forget, I wish to make a note that I had yet another Muraki dream. As usual, I was Hisoka. (Why am I always Hisoka? Why not Tsuzuki? Actually, forget that, why can't I be Watari and have a battle of wits, or Tatsumi and kick Muraki's ass? Or if I'm going to be Hisoka, why can't I kick Muraki's ass as him?) Muraki had me strapped down to an operating table, (the reason for this was never explained), and was doing his whole "whee, torture fun" routine. He spilled acid over me, then commented mockingly, "Oh, that was hydrochloric acid, wasn't it?" That guy is such a bastard.

Why does my mind do this to me? Am a severely unstable or something? Why must a sociopathic serial killing rapist live in my head?

Sigh.

So, I had another anime dream last night. YnM, of course.

I was Hisoka (as I usually am in these dreams). Tsuzuki and I had been kidnapped, by an unknown person. (Though I could make an educated guess. I mean, who else would it be?) At the moment I was be watched by an old women who was forcing me to reach into plastic tubs of blood, pull out various human bones and instruments of torture, and see what I could discern with my empathy. (Old women cackling while they go on about torture devices used during the French Revolution? Creepy.) Finally, she decided that she was done with me and directed me to a back room. I walked through a labyrinth like hallway, until I found a big laboratory which had Muraki and Tsuzuki sitting at a table. At this point I got worried, because leaving Muraki and Tsuzuki alone is never a good thing, but Tsuzuki was ok and more relieved to see me than anything else.

It was at this point that things began to a turn for the bizarre. You see, my mother was also there. Not Rui, but my, Veleda's, mother. As for why, I could not tell you. Anyway, to Hisoka/me, she was just some strange woman. Also there was an extremely annoying woman who was calling herself Muraki's fiance. She wasn't Ukyou, just some person that Muraki was keeping around until she stopped being useful. She was so annoying that I turned to Muraki and asked, "You're going to kill her soon, right?" This horrified both Tsuzuki and strange woman/my mother.

Finally we got to down to business, which consisted of Muraki divulging his latest evil plan. It involved the Boulder County bus system...yeah. Apparently Muraki now controlled the public transportation system. Also, grocery store prices. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW, OK? IT'S JUST WHAT MY BRAIN COMES UP WITH. My mother/strange woman asked if Tsuzuki and I were going to be all right, and that Muraki had to get going. I was highly skeptical that Muraki was actually going to let us go (What kind of villain gets you in his nefarious clutches, then lets you go because he has a train to catch?), but I took Tsuzuki's hand and said that I would be fine as long as I had Tsuzuki. Which Hisoka would not do (unless it was a life or death situation), but it was cute in the dream, so shut up. Muraki's response to this was, "How touching," in that sarcastic way he has. From a spectator's point of view he was great.

I never did get to see whether Muraki actually let us go or not, because at that point I woke up.

I would just like to say that Muraki's performance was impeccable in this dream. He never lost his poise despite the fact that he was discussing grocery stores and buses. I'm convinced that he lives in my head, giving me nightmares, and he has to work with whatever my subconscious comes up with. If I've been worrying about bus routes and grocery shopping, then that's what he'll use.

Now, I should get ready to go to school. I need to take the bus. Pray for me!

...Though it does remind me that I have yet to finish Meine Leibe Weider.

Anyway, that's not the point.

I always mean to post my dreams, but I don't get around to it, and then I forget them. Well, here are two dreams that I remember.

In the first, I was in a hotel, trying to get to the seventh floor. Except I couldn't, because every time I tried to push the seventh floor button, I would always end up pushing another button. I could hear people (they were on the bottom floor, I was in the elevator; I don't know how it worked) wondering why the elevator was going all over the place, and I was terrified of them finding out that I couldn't even push an elevator button correctly.

Also, Kanoe and Hinoto from X were there in the hotel, only they weren't called Kanoe and Hinoto. Apparently this was before all the end of the world stuff started, and Hinoto wasn't shut up in the diet building yet, and they hadn't taken those names yet. Don't ask me how I knew all this when they were in a hotel room, and I was trapped in an elevator. It's dream logic.

I can get the meaning of that dream. It's just more of my fear of screwing up and being incompetent, and the even worse fear of people finding out that I'm an incompetent screw up. As for why Hinoto and Kanoe were there...I read too much manga.

The other I had just last night. I was at a party at my dad's, only...my dad was alive. In a wheelchair, but alive. Now, I knew something was off there. I kept thinking, "Uh, isn't he supposed to be dead?" but my mind would always shy away from the topic. The closest I got to an answer was, "Well, I guess I only thought he died." (Ya know, that doesn't seem like the kind of thing I'd get wrong.)

I remember very little aside from that. There was danger of some sort (possibly involving foreign countries). Oh, and there was college. I was stressed out because I hadn't done my homework.

I also remember that there were frozen Rice Krispie treats dipped in chocolate. These were very important. So important that when the danger was all around us, I was fully willing to take the risk of running back to the house to get some. I know I have a sweet tooth, but that's just ridiculous.

I can understand why I'd dream of my father, and messing up in school is a recurring fear of mine, but the Rice Krispie treats? I got nothing.

Oh! There's one more dream I can remember, though just the tiniest bit. I had been watching lots of GetBackers and then reading lots of Bleach before I went to bed. This lead to a dream in which Renji and Ikkaku were retrieval agents. That's all I remember. Hell, that might have been all there was.

One a completely different note (this is a random post), my writing habits have recently caused me some confusion. Like many authors, I tend to have more than one story in the works at a time. In the past I would leave a few blank pages between stories to give me room to complete the old ones, but stopped when I realized that I was leaving stories unfinished and wasting paper. Now I don't leave any space, which leads to lots of skipping around. This is all well and good, but this morning, I was looking over the third chapter of Same Plot, Different Shinigami, trying to remember what the hell I had written. It went a bit like this:

"Uh huh, Watri's is talking to Ichigo, they're going to look at the inter-universal transport device (and espresso machine) and--HOLY SHIT, when did Hisoka's cock come into this!?

"...Oh, eh heh. Different story,"

Maybe I should get another notebook for the porn

I wish I could remember my dreams more clearly, but I can usually only recall them in spurts.

Dream the first: I actually had this one a couple of nights ago, and was a pretty meaningful one, even if I don't completely understand it. In the dream, I was staying at my dad's house, and we all lived in this very small, very strange town. The dream started on my birthday, and I was told that now that I had gotten to this age, I wasn't allowed to eat. As you can imagine, I was horrified, but what was even worse was that my step-mother completely went along with it. I felt incredibly betrayed, hurt, and angry. I don't the lack of food would have killed me, but I was horribly hungry and uncomfortable. I started sneaking food, and the whole time I was terrified that someone would catch me.

What does this dream mean? Well, for me, parts of it are pretty clear. The whole "now that it's your birthday, you can't eat anymore" is directly from my mother's obsession with me growing up, and my fear of it. Not being allowed to eat is really the whole host of things my mother has been shoving on me. From this we can deduce that the step-mother in my dream was just a representation of my mother. So why didn't I just dream about my mother? That, I'm not totally sure about. Maybe my subconscious is just that afraid and/or attached to my mother? How very Freudian. I'm fairly sure that the mysterious town came directly from Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World.

I also had at least two dreams last night. The first was just sort of goofy, though I can't remember much from it. I had to housesit for tekararogue, so I show up at her house fairly late at night, prepared to spend the night there. I stay up writing, and at about midnight I decided I wanted to get something from my dad's house. It was only when I got there that it occurred to me that midnight wasn't the time to go into the house, so I went back to tekararogue's. Somehow, by the time I had walked the one block between our houses, it was seven in the morning. (I didn't look at my watch, I just knew.) When I went into the house, I found tekararogue's mother playing the piano. She screamed. I screamed. It turned out that I had the days wrong. They were leaving that evening. Why no one in the family noticed me hanging around in their house at night, I have no idea.

I don't there's much deep meaning to be found there.

I've seen people review fanfic with "this will give me nightmares," but I don't think it often happens. It certainly never happened to me. At least, not until last night. My second dream took place in ravenbell's 30_tortures fanfic universe. If you haven't read this, and you know YnM, then you need to read it right now. Then you'll have read great fanfic, and you'll also understand why I'm slightly traumatized by this. It was.. gah. Very creepy and disturbing, to say the least. Muraki is in my head! He's in my subconscious! Help me!

Well, it wasn't that weird, I guess. I've had much, much weirder ones.

Anyway, I'm on medication for bipolar disorder, and I'm running low, so I need to see my psychiatrist to get my prescription refilled. I'm also taking half of a normal dosage, because if I take any more it does weird things to my brain, and I go crazy. That's all real.

Now, in the dream there was a guy (I think he was a pharmacist. Or maybe a psychiatrist. Or maybe just some random guy.) who was telling me that I couldn't get my prescription refilled, because I was only taking a half dose, and there was no way the medication could be working.

First the school dreams, and now this. My nightmares are very commonplace.

Man, I've had two nightmares about school since winter break started. The first one was a few days ago, before I got my final grades. I dreamt that I had failed Legacy of Arts and Letters because the teacher hadn't received my final paper. The real life situation was that he hadn't been in his office when I went to turn it in, so I slipped it under the door. I then worried that he wouldn't find or would count it late, and not accept it, hence the dream.

The second one was last night. In that one I was worrying because I didn't feel prepared for my nuclear physics exam. Yeah. It was definitely a major relief to wake up from that one.

*sigh* I hate school. Even when I don't have it, it haunts me.

I had a dream that we had a ton of candy at my dad's house. There were chocolate kisses, both the caramel filled kind and the regular. (The caramel ones are my favorites.) There were also gummy bears and brightly colored things that I couldn't identify. It was a good dream.

Maybe my subconscious is telling I need to stop whining and eat sugar?

Right-o, oh mighty subconscious! I follow your sugar craving will.