It looks like the great lj gender fail has been averted. People have been getting responses that essentially say "Oops! We didn't mean to do that!" The wording is pretty good, though I'm not sure if I buy the "it was an accident" excuse. That probably has more to do with past lj fails though. But all's well that ends well, I suppose.

In other news I've had a stocking set up at fandom_stocking for a while, but I haven't had a chance to mention it. It's here. More important, however, is that they're still accepting sign ups, as far as I can tell. So sign up, and if I have time (which is, admittedly not terribly likely) I can write you a present!

Finally, it's about time I started taking prompts from people who filled out my survey a little while ago. That's:

anarchicq
skinship
kurenai_tenka
amethyst_hunter
bitterfig
000_hester_000
p_zeitgeist

Also, alder_knight and rocknlobster who offered though I didn't up using them.

tekararogue and bravest_unsaid also volunteered but aren't in fandom. Is there something you folks would like? I could do a D&D drabble for you, tekararogue. bravest_unsaid, um, a politcal rant tailored to your interests? A small donation in your name to the charity of your choice? You tell me.

Fandoms I'm offering are:

Saiyuki
Merlin
Get Backers
Utena
YnM
Count Cain/Godchild

If you aren't interested in any of those, then you can ask about a different fandom and I'll see what I can do.

This turned out more complicated than I was expecting.

I've been reading the reactions to Merlin 2x04 "Lancelot and Guinevere." Some squee, some criticism, which is normal and as it should be. But I thought I'd respond to some of the criticism that I don't find fair. I don't expect this to turn anyone into OMG GWEN/LANCE FOREVER!!, just to offer evidence that the relationship makes sense. (Well, as much as anything in this show makes sense.)

( Spoilers for 2x04, obviously )

Also, an unspoilery complaint: The smushed paring names must stop. First there was Merthur and Arwen, one of which sounds moronic, while the other is a Lord of the Rings character. That was bad enough, but now we have Gwencelot. It has to end, people. I can't take the madness.

My kitty is adorable! Yes, you need to know know this. She likes to sleep on the scratching post/cat furniture that my brother got me for me birthday. At first I was worried that she wouldn't get much use out of it, since she's declawed in the front, but she seems to get a kick out of pawing at it.

I also thought that she might not play with the catnip mice that I bought her, but she likes those two.

Besides, her scratching post, her favorite place to be is in my closet, lying on the blanket sat her litter box sits on. GO figure.

In other new anime_manga is having its second Prompt Battle! Whoo! Prompts are being accepted until Sunday, October 4th, so go request.

Things that are troubling me:

I signed up for BookMooch. I thought it would be a good idea. I forgot that I cannot do anything without becoming severely stressed. First there's worry about shipping and packaging properly. That I could probably deal with. Then I had someone from the Philippines emailing to ask if I would ship a book to them. Postage to the Philippines would be over ten dollars. Money is kind of tight for me. I agonized. I would feel guilty if I turned them down, but...

The, someone else emailed me, saying that they would like the book if I decided not to send it to the Philippines. So, no matter what I do, I'll disappoint someone. So, I'm doing my classic avoidance technique and not answering either person and trying to make the situation go away from ignoring it. It's never worked before, but there's a first time for everything, right?

I really can't do anything without feeling guilty. I feel guilty over everything. I've even felt guilty for aging! And all of the irrational guilt only makes me angrier at myself.

When I feel bad, I cheer myself up either purchasing something or fandom stuff (sometimes buying fandom stuff). As I've said, money is a bit of a problem. So, meme time!

➀ comment with a character that I've written.
➁ receive three bits of headcanon about their sexuality: practices, preferences, experiences, fantasies, kinks, etc.
➂ receive information about their current love life and/or sex life if applicable and I feel like rambling at you. (signs point to yes.)
➃ receive three bits of headcanon about their life outside of sexuality and romance.

This year I participated in the International Day of Femslash Feedback (idof_feedback). Femslash doesn't get a lot of attention in fandom, even when people are writing it, so the folks at idof_feedback decided to raise some awareness.

Everything I posted feedback for comes recommended by me. Almost all Merlin (though there are two Utena stories and one Loveless story there), mostly fic.

( The list of work I left feedback for )

From fannish5:

Name five series that should have had a musical episode (and how it could have been explained).


1. Merlin! Anthony Head is there. He sings! It would be full of goodness. Probably hilarious goodness, but you can do a serious musical episode. It could be explained, like just about everything else in the series is explained, by a magic spell. Even better if the sorcerer who cast it wasn't evil, just mischievous. Or maybe Merlin does it accidentally.

2. Psych. Because, once again, hilarious. Someone gets murdered while rehearsing for a musical, and Shawn decides that what he and Gus really need to do is join the cast in an attempt to find the killer. Juliet and Lassiter should get roped in too. Because Lassiter's reaction would be priceless.

3. X-Files. Aliens made them sing! I am endlessly amused by the thought of the conspiracy working out their wicked plans... in verse. And Mulder and Scully would have to continually resist the urge to sing a sappy romantic duet, because dammit, they are not sappy romantic duet people!

4. Doctor Who. Because the Doctor should have to sing karaoke in order to SAVE THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.

5. I'm out of ideas, actually.

And a meme.

Name your 10 absolutely favorite couples (het/slash/canon/fanon) and ask people to see what trends they notice about your couples. Try to pick different fandoms:

1. Anthy/Utena (Revolutionary Girl Utena)
2. Tsuzuki/Hisoka (Yami no Matsuei)
3. Cain/Riff (Count Cain/Godchild)
4. Merlin/Arthur (Merlin)
5. Gwen/Morgana (Merlin)
6. Kouya/Yamato (Loveless)
7. Shunsui/Nanao (Bleach)
8. Haruka/Michiru (Sailor Moon)
9. Meryl/Vash (Trigun)
10. Kougaiji/Yaone/Doku (Saiyuki)

So, first order of business, ship_manifesto is having an OTP voting battle. You should go vote. Specifically you should go vote for Cain/Riff and Haruka/Michiru. Why? Because I said so, dammit! I offer slightly more convincing reasons here. Haruka and Michiru have a comfortable lead, but as of this post Cain and Riff are being slightly beaten out by Katan/Rociel. The match up seems appropriate, given that they're both from Kaori Yuki manga. Unfortunately, Angel Sanctuary is the more popular manga, which is a shame, given that I maintain that Cain/Riff is very much like Katan/Rociel... but better. Cain has his issues and he can be unkind to nearly everyone, including Riff, but he's not abusive and manipulative like Rociel.

There are lots of other couples to vote for. (Shunsui/Nanao! Juubei/Kazuki! Rogue/Gambit!) hulamoth, they don't have Guy/Marian, but they do have Mulder/Scully.

But that isn't really the point of this post. The point of this point is that I've signed up to post recs for Yami no Matsuei over at crack_van during the month of June. This brings me to a question.

Poll #1408473 Crossposting
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 9

Should I crosspost the recs here?

Ticky box?

Comment to this entry and I'll pick three of your fandoms. You must (or rather, if you want to) then update your journal and answer the following questions:

01: What got you into this fandom in the first place?
02: Do you think you'll stay in this fandom or eventually move on?
03: Favorite episodes/books/movies/etc.?
04: Do you participate in this fandom (fanfiction, graphics, discussions)?
05: Do you think that more people should get into this fandom?


dancing_serpent gave me Count Cain, Merlin, Yami no Matsuei.

( Read more... )

I was rewatching "The Moment of Truth," making comments in my head, and thinking that I should do a commentary of all the episodes one of these days. Then I thought, "Well, why not start now?" Now, this isn't a "Veleda processes and then comes to intelligent conclusions" type of thing. (But is it ever?) No, I'm going to tell you, "And then Morgana comes in, and I squeal out loud." Okay, there may be some (slightly) intelligent conclusions, since I have seen this episode before. But, uh, yeah. On with the show.

( Read more... )

So, b_hallward is writing a series of absolutely gorgeous Merlin AU drabbles in which Merlin is Arthur's guardian angel. Go read them. Even if you've never seen Merlin, even if you don't like angels. They're masterpieces.

( Fandom talk )

Instead of the multitude of other things that I really need to be doing:

Give me two characters from different fandoms you know I'm familiar with, and I'll give you a dialogue happening between the two of them. Without justifying how the crossover would work, how their worlds clashed, or how they could even meet each other. Just a silly crossover conversation with no backstory, for fun.

Taken from blindeadmcjones

01. Pick up to 15 OTPs (or OT3s).
02. Describe them in less than 15 words.
03. Have your flist guess the OTP/OT3.
04. PROFIT.

I suspect that I've made it awfully easy for most of them, but I might be wrong. There is one ultra obscure pairing there! It seems pretty unlikely that anyone will get it.

1. Prince, but no princess. Bride, but no groom. A revolutionary love.
2. Buy me a doughnut. I'd rather die than be a burden.
3. One an idiot, the other easily irritated. Somehow it works. Deeply damaged complements.
4. Found you on the road, thought you laughed. Don't leave your cigarettes in beer cans.
6. Walking the road to hell together, much more than master and servant.
7. Risking my life means I love you. Not quite the legend. Foot in face.
8. On a planet of sand, there's no insurance against falling in love.
9. Warriors and partners. A world without you is not worth living in.
10. Servant/queen, lady/witch. Right now they have each other.
11. Loyalty binds like thread, betrayal pierces like needles. Coming together again.
12. Dumping petals on your head, I love you, really. (But please shut up.)
13. Fixing bodies, fixing machines. Awkward love in the vacuum of space.
14. Silly nicknames, video games... and bloody yakuza shootouts. It must mean true love.
15. Job involving a woman. Only a few days together. Possibilities ruined by a monster.

Claims are open at both Spring Kink and Sick Fic Fest. All right, yes, claims have been open for a while, and I'm just telling you now. Because I suck. But there are lots of good prompts. So get your kink on, or write about bad awful people doing bad awful things. Or both! Write, damn it! (But, honestly, no pressure.)

Prompts I've taken for Spring Kink:

Godchild, Alexis/Jizabel: punisher/nurturer games - He'll wrap you in his arms, tell you that you been a good boy / He'll rekindle all those dreams it took you a lifetime to destroy (Rough draft is finished.)

Trigun, Vash/Meryl: Scents - "I just can't get him out of my mind." (Started.)


Prompt I've taken for Sick Fic Fest:

Muraki - Only this one holy medium brings me peace of mind (Really looking forward to this one.)

I haven't writing, and I've been depressed about it. Looks I may be back in groove.

Remember when I made the post about the dvd_commentary community, and how I'd never ever actually post a commentary because I'd most likely be horribly wrong, and then I'd have to commit ritual suicide? Well, uh, I lied. Not about being wrong! That's still true. But about not posting a commentary. (I was probably lying about the suicide bit. Probably.)

So, you can find my commentary for ravenbell's story Better the Devil You Know here for part one and here for part two. Remember, I'm probably wrong about everything, and most likely terribly stupid as well. I'm just warning you.

But wait! There's more! See, I've had a FST for the story in my head for awhile, and this gave me the perfect excuse to post it. It's only six songs, more of a mini-FST than anything else, and certainly not behemoth that my 30 Tortures FST was, but, well, it is what it is.

There isn't a title. There's no point. The Thirty Tortures FST had a title, but I just think of it as the Thirty Tortures FST.

( So, here you go. )

...You know, I was supposed to spend this weekend studying.

So, people are posting links to the DVD Commentary Challenge, and I thought I'd follow suit. Because I'm a sheep. Baaa. Baaa! I opened up all my work for commentary here.

It's nice that you don't have to agree to give commentary in order to offer your stories. I could never do the commentary part. I mean, I might be, no, I'd probably be wrong. And then everyone would be all, "How could you miss that/think that? That wasn't the point at all! You must be very stupid." And they'd be right. And then ritual suicide would be my only option. Yes, it would happen exactly like that.

Though, of course, I'm certainly not saying that anyone would necessarily be interested in commenting on my stories. It's terribly unlikely, really. I understand this. I mean, I'd just thought I'd put them out there. It does seem arrogant though, doesn't it? Don't get me wrong; it's not arrogant for anyone else to offer their stories. Just me.

...I should probably end this here, before I get really worked up.

(There's no need to comment to reassure me. I do know how ridiculous I sound. And this post is just a minuscule bit tongue in cheek.)

The Smut Writer's Meme: Name a pairing that I know, in either current fandoms or prior, and ask me a question. I'll tell you anything you want to know about their sex lives from my own personal fanon.

Give me something to dooo. /Whine

You know, I am the very embodiment of this comic. I can't let things go. I have to argue, have to exhaustively point out all the myriad ways that my particular view is the right one. Even when I know it would be smarter and easier to walk away, I just can't. I tell you this so you know exactly what perversion of sense led me to have the following conversation on the ff.net Yami no Matsuei forums.

( For your, uh, enjoyment )

Oh, YnM fandom, I wish I knew how to quit you.

Why do I do this to myself? My Christian history paper is now going to be two days late. The best possible grade that I can hope for is a B-. I could have turned it on time if I had applied a modicum of effort, and yet. i really wish I knew why I continue to sabotage myself. I just hope that i can force myself to do it tonight.

I shouldn't be given any leniency. If I was told that I had to turn this paper in on time or fail the class, I would have done it. In other words, I would excel if I lived in a dictatorship. That's a cheery thought.

Feminist Theories of Justice (which isn't very feminist or just) is driving me nuts! This is the class that I was thinking of dropping. Obviously I didn't. The more fool I. The teacher was complaining today because so many of the students aren't coming prepared. Normally, that would perfectly valid. However, given that I've talked to people who say that they aren't doing the reading the reading because they find it a waste of their time (and heaven knows many of the reading drive me crazy), there seems to be something other than laziness at work. This is an upper division class, and most of us are serious about the subject. If the majority of the students aren't doing a majority of the readings, then maybe the fault isn't entirely with us. I think I'm going to have to go to their office hours. I've been thinking about for a while, but what really clinched it is the fact that last week, another student made a transphobic comment... and neither of the teachers said a god damn thing. And they wonder why I'm not "engaged in the class"! I'm not putting up with this shit anymore.

In fandom news, I've signed up to write five stories for springkink, which is a lot for me, but I think that I can do it.


( Claims )

I wish that I was as excited for yuri_challenge. I had a lot of fun the first time that I participated, but the past two times have been a disappointment. last time, the prompt/request system wasn't done very well, but this time it's just that I can't find any prompts that I'm really excited about. Plus, while I understand the "no characters under 18 depicted having sex" rule, it does limit what I can do. (And makes me unwilling to take the Kozue/Shiori prompt. There can't not be sex in that.)

Oh well. I suppose that having less to do isn't exactly a bad thing.

Directions: Grab a pen and paper and write down twelve names of characters from whichever fandoms you follow, in any order. Then, answer the following questions, but only AFTER you've compiled your list. No cheating! (This is the non-shippy version of this meme. I think I like it even better.)

1. Watari Yutaka (Yami no Matsuei)
2. Ohtori Kanae (Shoujo Kakumei Utena)
3. Nii Jianyi (Saiyuki)
4. Himemiya Anthy (Shoujo Kakumei Utena)
5. Agatsuma Soubi (Loveless)
6. Midou Ban (GetBackers)
7. Hino Rei (Sailor Moon)
8. Kurai (Angel Sanctuary)
9. Kanzeon Bosatsu (Saiyuki)
10. Mibu Oriya (Yami no Matsuei)
11. Fuchoin Kazuki (GetBackers)
12. Count D (Pet Shop of Horrors)

( The questions )

Blah, blah, blah, meme. But a fun meme! I think...hope.

Pick a character from a fandom I know and I'll answer the following questions.

1) What is your opinion of this character? If you like, explain why you like him/her. Likewise if you dislike the character.

2) Is he/she important to the general plot?

3) Can you relate to this character at all? Do they grip you emotionally?

4) How much do you like the fandom that this character comes from?

5) Do you ship this character with any other character? Or, are you particularly intrigued by their relationship with any other character(s)? (romance-wise or platonic)

6) Is there anything about the character you would change?

7) If you were in the fandom with this character or knew this character in real life, how do you see yourself interacting with him/her? (Would you get along well? Fall in love with? Dislike? Friendly rivalry? etc etc)

8) Does this character make the cut as one of your all time favorites (if you like) or least favorites?

9) Would you hype up this character (if you like) or warn about (if you dislike) to someone whose new to the fandom?

10) Is this character popular with the fanbase?

Lately, I've been thinking about a difference in my thinking in real life versus fantasy.

In real life, I am not a romantic. Whenever a friend starts telling me about a new significant other, I try to be happy for them, but my thoughts are always along the lines of, "Sure you're happy now, but soon you'll be fretting over how it's not working out. You'll try all sorts of fixes, and you'll think you've made progress, but it will blow up in your face, and you'll be left heartbroken. I've seen again and again." Whenever I think of asking someone out, I mentally move through the relationship until we've broken up. After that, it seems pointless to try and build an actual relationship: I've seen how it ends. My parents got divorced. My mother claims that she and her husband are happy, but it's not a relationship I could stay sane in. The one lasting, loving relationship that I can think of is my dad and my step-mom, and now he's dead and she's gone nuts on me. The times I've been in love, what I most remember is feeling more awkward, more self-conscious, and more full of self-loathing than usual (which is quite a feat).

All of this changes when I open a book or turn on an anime. In fiction, I fall in love with the idea of love. Love that changes worlds, love that saves people, love that conquers death--I crave it. I don't want realism. Realism is depressing. Realistic love is the romantic equivalent of "rocks fall, everybody dies."

The why of my penchant for that kind of love in fiction isn't hard to figure out. It's the same reason that so many people fall for stories about scrappy underdogs coming out on top, or lone heroes who beat impossible odds. Real life is depressing as shit, and a lot of people like a little escapism. (In case you have not already noticed, I am a pessimist.)

The downside of this, of course, is that culture (and throughout this post I'll be going with American culture, as that's what I'm familiar with) is flooded with cheap, schmaltzy, meaningless romance taking place in a bizzaro world where there are no real problems or obstacles whatsoever. This is extremely prevalent in fandom as well. Fanfic writers are often taking characters with issues and erasing them in the name of True Love. Honestly, this bores and frustrates me. A little escapism doesn't equal wanting a meaningless world. And that's what a work of fiction without trouble and obstacles is. I like love that has power, that means something. (I like that word apparently.) That can't happen if there are no hardships to overcome. I want love that represents something good, not something easy. But this doesn't mean that I want the idea that love is all you need, or that love will fix everything. If two characters are (metaphorically) drowning, I don't necessarily want them to swim to shore together. What I really like is the idea that whether or not they make it to shore is beside the point, that what's important is that they're holding on to each other. Whether they survive or drown becomes secondary to the fact that they have each other. I'm not claiming that that's a healthy relationship. In fact, one of my fiction kinks is relationships that aren't "normal" or "healthy," but that work for the people involved.

Now, here's were we leave certainty, and get into something that I've noticed and thought on, but I don't want to claim is necessarily true. It seems to me, that in our culture, despite the scourge of cheap, easy solutions in fiction, we afford greater status to tragedy. It's seen as more refined, more sophisticated. I've seen discussions on lj that make me feel that people think that those who like miserable endings are somehow better than those of us who don't. I've fully internalized this. Hell, I've amplified it. Even with tragedy fans being thought of as better, I don't think that most people who who prefer happy endings feel the urge to do violence to themselves to punish themselves for it. I'm pretty sure that that's just me being a freak.

And that's why I'm not sure about this theory. Because my sense of self worth is so low that I could simply be viewing anything I like as inferior, and inferring attitudes from the surrounding world that aren't actually there. I see intelligent people who prefer harsher stories, and assume that since they are better and smarter than me, I must be wrong.

So am I a lesser person for liking happy endings? Am I just another member of the squealing, unthinking throng? You can be honest. And either way, is there indeed this disdain for happy endings in both the larger world and fandom in particular? Or am I simply a paranoid weirdo with a self hatred problem? Or, come to think of it, is it both?

Note: I forgot to say this before, but if anyone sent me an email in the past month or so, you should resend it, as without internet access, my inbox soon reached its limit. Also, if you wrote any posts you'd like me to see, leave me a link.

I am feeling so paranoid and social phobic right now. It's a knot in the pit of my stomach. Soon I will no longer be able function in normal society. I will have live on a mountain, eating leaves and rocks.

...Uh, yes, anyway.

Because I am a mindless fandom drone, I want to post a few of memes that went around that I wasn't able to do.

( Fandom meme fun )

Yes, it's another fandom post. Sorry everybody who doesn't give a damn about my manga and anime addiction. However, I feel that this bleeds into what we refer to as real life.

I'm confused, and a bit unnerved, by the concept of "dub-con."

A quick primer for those not familiar with fandom terms: "Non-con" is short for non-consensual sex--in other words, rape. Why don't we call it rape? I think it's because "non-con" sounds less damning. Also, it feels more moral to say "I have a non-con kink" than "I have rape kink." Back on topic, "non-con" is short for non-consent, while "dub-con" is short for "dubious consent." What the hell does that mean, you ask? I've seen it used two main ways. The first is when the person whose consent is dubious (I can't think of a better way to phrase that) ends up feeling aroused and/or having an orgasm while being raped. This is a BAD thing, considering rape survivors are often doubted for that very reason. The body can't always be controlled by the mind; sometimes the body just does things. (For more information on arousal during sexual abuse, I recommend this article.)

The second way I usually see "dub-con" is when the dubious consent character is being coerced. In a word, NO. If someone is being coerced then it's not consensual. There's little more that I can say here.

(I have to interrupt to say that Tori Amos' "Me and a Gun" is currently playing. A more haunting song I've never heard; and it's certainly appropriate.)

Thinking about, a third way "dub-con" could play out is a "No, no, yes!" situation. Ironically, I don't remember ever seeing it used that way within fandom, though that's not to say that it isn't. I'm not sure I should get into that, both because I haven't seen it and therefore cannot make educated comments, and also the fact that the concept of "No, no, yes!" really freaking annoys me, and I don't trust myself to be objective. (Though perhaps none of this has been objective.)

Anyway, that's my two cents. I may be opening a can of worms, or getting myself into trouble.

Mmm, I'm totally overdosing on Tori Amos. I've decided to listen to all the CDs by her that I own, and just got a bunch of new icons. I do wish I could find a "Got enough guilt to start my religion" icon. I could use one. Also, "Everyday I crucify myself." The one I have now just says "Crucify."

Hm, lj hasn't been giving me my "loyalty" icon space. I should contact them.

Next is proof that I can relate anything and everything to fandom:

You know, I'm majorly ambivalent about Seishirou/Subaru (from X), but the line "trusting my soul to the ice cream assassin" from the song "Spark" always makes me grin.

Despite the title, "Pancake" is a total Anthy/Akio (from Shoujo Kakumei Utena) song. Especially the first line: "I'm not sure who's fooling who here as I'm watching our decay." YES.

Also, why in the world has no one made a Hisoka and Muraki icon with the line, "Made my own pretty hate machine"? Or a fic based on the line, or something? I have few authors in mind that I'd love to foist it on, knowing that I'd get awesome and completely different things, but I'm not so far gone to order people to write what I want to see. That's a new level of self-absorbed.

Not related to Tori Amos, but related to icons, is the fact that I am currently bemoaning that I cannot make them. I really want a Kristy Kreme (Who's Kristy Kreme? This is Kristy Kreme) icon that says "Glamorous Bitch." Of course, I have my problems with the word "bitch," but I like to think that I'd be reclaiming it in this case.

Maybe I should get photoshop or some such thing. I could learn to make icons.