And they said that it couldn't be done.

So, this is where I go fishing through my inbox to find interesting articles.

First off, something I agree with so, so very much.

( 'I Was Raped' Should Horrify -- But Our Culture Has Stripped the Word of Its Power )


And this next article for a healthy daily helping of rage, along with a bit of hope. I disagree with Obama on some things; I'm not always satisfied with his decisions, but thank god we have him instead of another Republican.

( How Bush and Co. Broke the Law to Keep Women from Using Birth Control )

Now, maybe you thought that I was too harsh with that last comment. Just because Bush and his cronies were immoral morons when it came to sexual health doesn't mean that all Republicans are, right? And it's not like I'm impartial. I'm a liberal who believes in equality, and personal liberties, and the First Amendment, and all those other pinko commie things. But if you won't take my word for it, would you listen to Meghan McCain, who's not just a Republican, but John McCain's daughter?

( The GOP Doesn't Understand Sex )

But, I do have some unabashed good news.

( Washington, D.C., Council Approves Recognition of Out-of-State Gay Marriage )

And

( N.Y. Assembly Passes Gay Marriage Bill )

And now I feel slightly less guilty about all of my fandom posts. And we are all so edified, aren't we?

I am on the verge of losing my mind. The slightest thing sends me sobbing uncontrollably, I'm nigh constantly nauseous from stress, I keep hyperventilating. It's not pretty.

My grades are just a not pretty. I only have one class that I'm doing truly atrociously in, Spanish; but my grades are slipping all around.

It's hard for me to describe just how insane school makes me. I think I'm just worn down by years of stress and misery every damn semester.

I'm also pissed off because the anti-choice group that goes around colleges bringing huge billboards of bloody fetuses is at CU. I really loathe these people. Not only are they disgustingly manipulative (LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO YOUR DARLING LOVELY INNOCENT BABEEEE), they're outright liars. No, morons/assholes , abortion and breast cancer are in no way related. Then again, they wouldn't know a scientific fact if it bashed them over the head. These people make me want to go out, get pregnant, get an abortion, then send them a graphic description of it, telling them that they inspired me to do it. Of course, I wouldn't actually do this. Think of the time and expense!

Another thing I'd like to do is go up to one them and say that we don't yet live in country where women understand that they are dirty, dirty sluts who shouldn't dare do things like make decisions, but I'm glad to see that they're working on it. I also won't do this, as the resulting confrontation would be both futile and annoying.

These people aren't pro-life. If they were pro-life they would be equally against the death penalty, war, putting animals to sleep when they're old and sick, and the use of pesticides. (They claim that the "right to life" begins at conception. Why doesn't a grasshopper deserve life as much as an newly fertilized egg? The grasshopper has higher cognitive functions.)

So, yes, dealing with them all week hasn't made my mood any better.

I don't think that this is connected to the tragic loss of my "I asked God, and she's pro-choice" button, but it's an annoying coincidence.

But, I don't want you to think that my life is one hundred percent misery. There is some pretty amazing news. On May 19th, I'm getting breast reduction surgery. The doctor also seems much more understanding of what I want than last time I met with her. I printed out some pictures from the Title Nine website to give her an idea of what I'm hoping for. She looked at the picture that I like best and noted that the woman had a smaller frame than I do, and that on me that breast size would look very masculine. I told her that I was just fine with that. My mom chimed in, asking the if the doctor was familiar with "butch" and that that was the look that we were going for. When I assured the doctor that there was no such thing as too small, she wrote it down. So, I'm hoping that things will go well. Dude, it's happening in a month.

I'm hungry, so I'm going to see if I can work up the emotional energy to cook (from a box) and then eat.

( Bush-Era Abortion Rules Face Possible Reversal )

This article actually cleared some things up for me that I didn't previously fully understand. For instance, "For decades, federal law has said that doctors and nurses can't be compelled to perform abortions. The new regulation broadens that to make clear that all health-care workers may refuse to provide information, such as a referral, to patients looking for an abortion."

And abortion isn't the only issue here. From the National Center for Transgender Equality:

( Newly Released 'Provider Conscience' Regulations and Their Affect On Transgender People )

A few people may be wondering why I'm so worried. After all, isn't Obama going to simply get rid of that despicable junk? Wasn't that the point of the first article? To you, I say that my faith in President-Elect Obama has been sorely shaken.

( A Bigot, Anti-Choice Pastor Picked for Obama's Inauguration )

After insisting that his agenda was "broad," and holding himself out as an impartial arbiter of the Forum, he declared that voting for a "Holocaust denier," (i.e., someone who is pro-choice) is a "deal-breaker" for many evangelicals.

It drives me really, really nuts when anti-choice people compare abortion to the Holocaust or genocide. For one thing, it's a sickening trivialization of the Holocaust. For another thing, it reveals that these people do not understand basic dictionary definitions. A genocide is "the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group" (from dictionary.com). Fetuses are not a national, racial, political, or cultural group. Even if you believe abortion is morally wrong, it's no more genocide than it is arson.

Warren, a creationist, believes that homosexuality disproves evolution; he told CNN's Larry King in 2005, "If Darwin was right, which is survival of the fittest then homosexuality would be a recessive gene because it doesn't reproduce and you would think that over thousands of years that homosexuality would work itself out of the gene pool."

Okay, not only does he not understand dictionary definitions, he also doesn't understand genetics or evolution either. There is no one "gay gene." And recessive genes can be in your genetic makeup without being active. And evolutionary biologists have hypothesized that homosexuality is actually evolutionarily beneficial because it creates adults that are unencumbered with offspring of their own, allowing them to help with community child care.

Warren protests that he's not a homophobe

OH, OF COURSE NOT. HOW COULD ANYONE THINK THAT HE IS?

He thinks his AIDS relief efforts represent an elevated form of Christianity over those non-evangelical do-gooders whom he compares to "Marxists" because they're more interested in good works than salvation.

Because the main tenet of Marxism is... doing good works without being concerned about personal salvation?

Things that Rick Warren has absolutely no understanding of:

The Holocaust
Genocide
Genetics
Evolution
Marxism

Seriously, does this man just throw out random words to see if they stick?

After I first told my mother about this Rick Warren guy, she was skeptical. You may be too. So, I present a second article from cnn.com.

( Obama's inaugural choice sparks outrage )

"There were all kinds of threats that if [Proposition 8] did not pass, then any pastor could be considered doing hate speech if he shared his views that he didn't think homosexuality was the most natural way for relationships, and that would be hate speech."

...The only thing that Prop 8 was concerned with was whether or not same-sex couples would retain their legal right to marry. These claims that that right would have made speaking out against homosexuality (and god, look how it's phrased "he didn't think homosexuality was the most natural way for relationships." How sweet and innocuous.) hate speech or that it would have forced kindergarten teachers to discuss homosexuality in their classes are such despicable lies that it shows just how detestable the religious right is. These people are scum. That's all there is to it.

( Protections Set for Antiabortion Health Workers )

"People should not be forced to say or do things they believe are morally wrong." That sounds good doesn't it? Reasonable. Except that people also need to do their fucking jobs.

I don't like large corporations. It seems that 9 times out 10 they're evil. I consider a lot of the tactics that corporations use to be morally wrong. And yet, Blockbuster still expects me to do my job. What would happen if I refused to check people out because it violated my conscience? They'd fire me, that's what they'd do! And rightly so. Or say that I thought violent video games were a source of evil. I don't get to refuse to rent them. I have a job to do, and renting violent video games is part of it.

I'm seeing articles like this more and more, and it's beginning to drive me crazy.

So, OASOS (the queer support/activity group I attend) is having its annual talent show on Wednesday, and I will be doing drag. This means that I had to go shopping for girl clothes. (I perform as drag queen. Dressing in men's clothing wouldn't be anything different than what I normally do, and besides, I don't identify as female.) All I wanted was to find a simple but still slightly sexy white top to go with a really cute skirt I already have. In the process I was reminded of what I had almost forgotten.

Women's clothing is evil.

It is! First of all, it's unnecessarily complicated. For hilarity, imagine me in the thrift store dressing room flailing around going, "Augh! Too many straps! Why so many straps!" Then I couldn't get the damn thing off!

But, really, that's not why it's evil. It's truly evil because I genuinely suspect that it's designed to make women feel bad about themselves. I have many neuroses, but worrying about my weight is not one of them. I weight somewhere between 130-140 pounds (I don't own a scale, so I can't be sure), and I've always considered myself slender. If my jeans stop fitting, I take it as a sign that I need to buy new jeans. I always figured that the lack of worry simply meant that that specific aspect of female socialization had missed me. Plenty of others had firmly lodged themselves in me, so it's not as if I didn't have other shit to worry about. Now, I'm beginning to suspect more and more that my lack of anxiety about my weight comes from not wearing women's clothing (aside from shoes and socks) more than three times a year max since I was thirteen.

Putting on dresses, I begin to worry about my stomach sticking out, and I see how long I can suck in my breath. Today I began wondering if size 11/12 is considered fat these days. (I don't know what size I am, but I think it's over a ten.) I thought, "I could ask people on lj." Then I thought, "NO I CERTAINLY WILL NOT. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER." I really was thinking in capslock. (And seriously, don't tell me. It doesn't matter, or, at least, it shouldn't matter, and I'm not going to validate that kind of thinking in myself.)

Also, what are women's clothing designers thinking these days? All I really wanted was a simple white top. Why was that so much trouble? Because everything I tried on was so thin as to be practically see through. I'm fairly certain that ones nipples shouldn't show through one's shirt if it can be avoided, and I'm very, very certain that one's areolas should not show through. I was wondering if I just have unusually pointy nipples, but a call to my mother assured me that shirts are made like that these days.

Speaking of my boobs, there's another reason that shopping for women's clothing is such a headache for me that's more personal: I'm not proportional. Tops and dresses that fit me in the arms, waist, and length all too often don't fit me in the chest. Simply put, my boobs are too big. This creates problems. I remember looking through hand-me-downs from my mother's best friend's daughter. We were the same weight, and her clothes were often designer brands that hadn't even been worn. But, you guessed it, they wouldn't fit around my chest. I was looking a nice white top at Buffalo Exchange (a ritzy second hand store--the thrift store yielded no results) that was my size, then noticed a ring of lace around the middle of the chest area. "What the hell?" I thought. "Why is the boob area full of holes?" Then I noticed two triangular pieces of fabric above the lace. I realized that my boobs were supposed to go there, except there was no way that was enough room.

I'm not used to these problems. Normally, when I buy shirts, I go to the size I wear, and find something I like. No mess, no fuss. I got so fed up, I eventually bought a blouse that's too tight, and only slightly see through, just because I was so sick of the whole thing.

But, but, but! I don't want you to think the whole day was unpleasant. You see, I really do love cute/sexy/beautiful women's clothing, and I came away with some real finds. (Well, I like them.)

The first is a top that's so gloriously tacky that I soon as I saw it, I knew that I had to have it. It's fuzzy pink and purple leopard print with a hood and a zipper up the front. I love tops with zippers up the front. It's incredibly sexy. Actually tops that fasten up the front are sexy in general. There's nothing sexier to take off than a button up shirt. Unfastening the buttons one by one, going ever so slowly, teasing your lover with your eyes... mmm. Zippers are not as sexy to take off, because it goes too fast, but they're much sexier to wear. You see someone wearing something with a zipper in the front, and the first on your mind is how easy it would be to pull that zipper down. (Er, well, it's the first thing on my mind.)

This leads well into the other top I bought. I saw it and literally thought "That is the sexiest piece of clothing I have ever seen. I think I might like to have sex with it." It's black vinyl with a zipper up the front (of course), and it's very short. I kept raising my arms above my head and jumping, worrying that I'd end flashing. Of course, it's not as if I'll get much use out of it. The only times Id feel comfortable wearing it are to a Rocky Horror Picture Show showing and with someone I was in a deep and intimate relationship with. But I couldn't not buy it.

So, er, yes. Was that a little too much sharing?

I really hate lj cuts. I always screw them up when making big posts.

Here we have a very interesting book review/interview. I need to look into this book.

( Survival Guide for Life in a Sexist Society )

Finally, a little good news. (That's a month old. Sorry.)

( Canada Law Hinders Focus on the Family’s Deceptions about Sexual Orientation )

Take that, ya bunch of bigots!

And one more. (I have more to post, but I think that this enough for one day. You don't have to read all of these at once. Come back over several days, and take you time, if need be.)

( Anti-Choice and the Woo Factor )

Article post time. (Aren't you just so excited?)

Honestly, I'm a bit tired of "politicians cheating on their spouses" stories (except for homophobic queers--that will always be amusing), but this article raises some interesting points.

( How’s That ‘Rule of Law’ Work Now? )

I'm also posting this for another reason, and that's because I have something to say. Ready?

How hard is it not to cheat?! How hard is to not have sex with someone?! I, mean really! So, the spark has gone out of your relationship? That's why god gave us hands. (Well, it's probably not the only reason, but it's a good one.) If you're horny, jerk off. Or, here's a novel concept, you could talk to your partner. What can you do to liven up your relationship? Vacation? Sex toys? Exciting new sexual practices?

Every time one of these scandals comes out, the sexual freedom mailing list that I belong to explodes with articles about how humans just aren't meant for monogamy. Well, that's fine. And I have no problem with polyamory. But, if you're in a monogamous relationship, don't cheat. Honeslty, I'm not sure that I want anyone who can't figure that out serving as my elected official.

Next up, something people should know about.

( Verizon Shareholders Vote Down Protections Based On Gender Identity And Expression )

I am genuinely glad about the outcome of this next article, though it did make me want to shout, "Stop being into BDSM! You're making us look violent and stupid!"

( People can't invite violent sex acts, judge rules )

Like I said, I am glad that the judge ruled against this guy. Any idiot should be able to figure out that a person can't consent to sex while unconscious, and sex without consent is rape. This is very simple. I'm uncomfortable about the blanket statement that "individuals cannot voluntarily invite violent acts against themselves." That could lead to charges against people who truly are doing something consensual.

Next up, the continued story of abstinence only education vs. "Hey, teenagers have sex, get used to it."

( Hearing Highlights Ab-Only Industry In Peril )

You know what really jumps out at me? The line, "Representative John Duncan, a Republican from Tennessee, said it was "rather elitist" that those with public health degrees thought they knew better than parents what type of sex education works." Now, the article did a good job of pointing out just what's wrong with Mr. Duncan's thinking. (Jon Stewart also had a hilarious bit in which he described how those elitist airplane pilots think they know how to fly a plane for his family better than he does.) However, it's the word "elitist" that really jumps out at me. If people in this country it's elitism. Obama has been accused of being elitist constantly in these last few weeks. It was lobbed against Kerry when they media wasn't calling him flip-flopper. American's, we were told, wanted a president that they could sit down and have a beer with.

I don't want a president that I can have a beer with! I want a president who knows what the fuck he or she is doing! I don't elect people to be my buddy. I elect them to represent my interests in complex, difficult, ever changing political system. I want them to be intelligent and knowledgeable. I want the people who design health care programs in schools to be up to date on the latest studies and information. There's a reason that we don't let parents teach classes and develop programs solely on the virtue of being parents.

Okay, I'm calm. The next article is bad news.

( Michigan Court Sends Warning to Florida )

It's a little eery that this anti-gay amendment is called amendment 2. Here in Colorado, amendment 2 was the name of the amendment that attempted to strip queer people of all protection under the law. It passed, but was overturned by the state supreme court.

This next article is interesting, but well, kind of obvious.

( Transgender Rights Run Into Bathroom Politics )

The thing is, this is old news. The right to a safe, comfortable place to pee is a battle that trans people have been fighting for for years. Cisgender people take it for granted. And the objections that the article quotes are just as old. I've heard them years ago from someone I once respected. It's certainly important, but I'm having this feeling of, "Where have you been." Then again, it seems that every other month there's an article coming out about, "Gasp! These people think that they're the wrong physical sex! How bizarre!" or "Gasp! These people like to tied up during sex! How titillating!" Yeah, yeah, the freaks will be here all night for your enjoyment.

Speaking of kink and queers:

( The ABCs of sexual orientation )

Dear St. Augustine,

I hate you. Hate, hate, hate, hate. I hate you, and your Confessions, and your philosophizing.

It's not the fact that you're Christian. I just hate your style of writing. I also hate your constant toadying. Yeah, yeah, God is great. I get it. Did you really need multiple books to say it?

Tomorrow for recitation I have to answer three questions: "What examples does Augustine give in his Confessions of his youthful wantonness?", "How does Augustine answer the question, 'What was God doing before he made heaven and earth?'", and "What is Augustine's conception of free will?"

Damn it! I agreed to read the guy. Actually paying attention and understanding him was not part of the deal.

For those of you who have never read Augustine, let me put it this way: Freud would have a field day. He idolizes his mother and strongly resents his father. ("My father went beyond his means and worked hard to ensure that I had the best education possible. The bastard!") He also has a fascination both with punishing others and being punished. Let me tell you, this guy didn't need God. He needed a sex club with a focus on S&M and age play. It probably would have made for a much more tolerable read.

... I'm so going to hell.

It's unfortunate for me that Augustine is one of the most influential theologians ever. Especially if I decide to minor in religious studies.

In other school related news, I'm torn about whether or not to drop Feminist Theories of Justice. The class is infuriating me. I expected to learn about feminism, not "Genocide for Beginners: Step One: Dehumanization for Fun and Profit." Seriously, we read an essay by Martha C. Nussbaum in which she set out of list of what makes people human. This list includes sexual desire (bad news for asexuals, and, as my mother pointed out, many menopausal women), mobility (She states that "an anthropomorphic being who, without disability, chose never to move from birth to death would be hard to view as human," however, she never actually exempts paraplegics from the criteria), humor and play (too bad for people who may not have time or opportunity to play), cognitive reasoning, and others. Even if you don't find these criteria as troubling as I do, I still think that trying to label only certain living Homo sapiens as human is really fucking creepy. The first step when you want to destroy a group of people is dehumanizing them. To be told that I should take this seriously as feminist writing is ridiculous.

What's even worse, is that the teachers can't see beyond the theories. The fact that actual people are involved seems to escape them. This isn't exactly surprising. They're men, so sexism can exist for them only in theory. They're philosophy majors, and philosophy is pretty much the study of stuff that makes no practical difference. (... I have little patience for philosophy.) But for some of us, this stuff is real! Sexism is real for me. Feminism is real. What's truly horrible about this is that when someone feels hurt or bothered by what we read, the teachers brush them off. When I felt that one of the theories was victim blaming, I was simply told that I didn't really understand. One young woman was deeply upset by the Nussbaum essay. Her nephew had lived only to the age of ten, and when he was born he was severely disabled in just about every respect. She felt that she was being told that the nephew that she had loved wasn't human. She was basically ignored.

These two men don't know shit about real life victim blaming. During my sophomore year of high school, I was tormented daily. Another student hated me. I was a female bodied, radical feminist queer. He threatened to set me on fire (while holding a lighter), threatened to "kick [my] ass," and expressed a desire to see me raped. The other students supported him, and the teacher did nothing. During parent/teacher conferences at the end of the year, I finally worked up the courage to talk to the principal and the other teachers. What happened? I was blamed for not saying anything earlier. The teacher was right there! It was a class of eight! It wasn't a secret! Nobody cared, and I was afraid that I would be in physical danger if I told. When I read an essay stating that everyone is responsible for injustice, even those being oppressed, that's what I think of. Whether I'm right about the theory being victim blaming is beside the point. The point is that I raised an objection and my experience was judged as irrelevant by two cisgender, most likely straight, men who, I'd wager, have never had to worry that a classmate may rape them.

The same holds true for the woman whose cousin died. Her real life experience was declared inferior to an abstract theory by people who had never been in her position.

I have until the end of the week. At that point it will be impossible to drop. I just don't know.

... I have a mountain of homework.

The other day, an article on white privilege was posted to a news list I follow.

( White Liberals Have White Privilege Too! )

Nice, right? Nothing especially new to me, but it's always good to be reminded.

Well, today I get an email titled "The other side of an article posted here on privilege - two excellent articles." Now, the second someone mentions "the other side of privilege" I'm on the defensive. I was ready for some white person whining. And boy did I get it!

The first article is titled "Epistemic Privilege and Political Correctness" but it would be more accurate to call it ( White people are special snowflakes too! or Please, please, please pay attention to me )

Did you hear that? Christians get teased in college! That means they're persecuted! It totally offsets the fact that they run this freaking country! Won't somebody please think of the Christians! And white people experience racism when the white people around them are racist. Never mind that it doesn't wound them personally. I've been around racist people, and I've been around homophobic/transphobic people. It's a very different feeling. And he has a black wife, so Some Of His Best Friends Are Black. And damn those feminists for not paying enough attention to men! Thank god there's this white man to tell us how we're doing wrong.

The next article is titled "Political Correctness and All That," but I call it ( Political correctness makes me feel icky inside or Oppressed people can't be allowed to define themselves! It would take power away from me! )

...Argh! "As sector after sector has been ruthlessly corrupted by the liberal ethos"? I can't believe that a news list dedicated to sexual freedom would post bullshit like that.

So, let's recap. White people aren't getting enough attention, feminists need to cater to men, and oppressed groups defining themselves must be stopped at all costs. Oh, and political correctness is icky.

I'm going to go bash my brains out on a rock now.

Two things that have pissed me off recently:

Last night I went to the symphony with my uncle. The symphony isn't my favorite thing (I like having something to do with my eyes), but I do enjoy it, and this performance was great. The Boulder Philharmonic performed George Gershwin's Concerto in F for Piano and Orchestra. To make it more interesting, they performed with an awesome jazz trio. The pianist did some amazing improvisation. It was so cool.

That's not the part that made me angry. What made me angry was when my uncle and I were walking back to the car, discussing the various musicians. My uncle mentioned the black concert master, and said, "You can be sure that he didn't get that job through affirmative action."

For a moment my brain just stopped. Then it started again, full of rage at this god damn concept that affirmative action is a way of getting people positions they haven't earned, rather than a way to counteract prejudice and discrimination that already entrenched in the system. ARGH.

All I said was, "Well, maybe he did. Maybe it was the only way he could get hired. He may be brilliant, but..." My uncle made a noise which seemed to mean that he got my point.

I'm not sure if I handled the situation like I should have. Maybe I should have been more confrontational, more firm, more "That is not okay." I'm not sure. At the very least, I seem to have gotten my point across.

Speaking of affirmative action:

( Decline to Sign )

This pisses me off so much. What really infuriates me is that this anti-affirmative action group is calling themselves "Colorado Civil Rights Initiative." It's like the last election when an anti-gay group was calling themselves "Coloradoans for Marriage," when they were actually against people getting married. I don't care if you do think that you're "protecting traditional marriage," you can't call your group "for marriage" if the entire point is to prevent a certain group of people from marrying. These groups try to fool people with weasel words and outright lies, trying to look cuddly and just. I mean, "Colorado Civil Rights Initiative"! How can a person disagree with civil rights, no? It's dishonest and it's cowardly. Well, I'm not falling for it, you fuckers.

( Let's consider the big picture )

I hate school just so everyone knows.

It would help if my teachers would actually tell me what they want me to do. My chem teacher has a habit of testing us on a concept, and then teaching it to us. My Japanese lit teacher expects us to automatically know how to format our homework with actually, you know, telling us. Plus, I can never figure out what kinds of questions she going to ask on the tests. Also, she keeps berating us for not analyzing what we read, but she never asks us analytical questions, just random facts.

I like the teacher for my History of Asian American class very much. I also like the content a whole lot. The real problem is the other students. I was excited about taking an upper division women's studies class, because I thought I'd be leaving behind the ignorant attitudes found in the intro classes. Well, boy was I wrong. How ignorant do you have to be to think that the concept of Ladies Night is the same as affirmative action? I mean, really. I was talking with the teacher about my frustration yesterday, and she told me that it always ends up being a bit of an intro class. The good news is that she likes me a lot. I told her that I was reluctant to say to much, as I didn't want to be the white person dominating a discussion involving women of color, but her response was pretty much, "Dear god, please keep talking!" I guess it's best if someone is actually representing the feminist point of view.

My global feminism class is so-so.

I should be doing homework, yes I should.

I should also be writing. I have two spring kink stories due early next month. I also need to finish the second chapter of Same Plot, Different Shinigami, which has been languishing for months. I have fans! Real actual fans who want to read more, and what do I do? I let them down. Go me. I also need to get to get back to ravenbell about her yaoi challenge story. Like, yesterday. Jesus Christ I suck! Oh, and sooner or later I'm going to have to bite the bullet and start my original story, which tekararogue is so eager read. It has assassins, lesbians, and a sociopath (who is not one of the lesbians), so it has all of my favorite things. I just have no confidence in my ability to write original fiction, and no clue how to start.

Oh, and I want to write a ficlet for the yuri_challenge drabble challenge. (yuri_challenge is accepting prompts right now. Go here and request some!)

Anyway, that's a good bit of what's going on with me write now. There's more serious stuff, but I'm just not up to discussing it right now. Too damn tired.

I am very tired, as I have not been getting near enough sleep.

Finally something for you people who don't give a damn about my manga obsession or my whiny little problems. That's right, it's article time again.

First off, the continuing saga of those whacky, republicans.

( McCain's FL Campaign Co-Chair arrested for prostitution )

Are any of us really surprised by the next one?

( Surgeon General Sees 4-Year Term as Compromised )

On the same subject:

( Ex-Surgeon General Should Apologize, Not Complain )

Now for the "I think I'm going to be sick" category.

( Under the thumb )

Look, I'm interested in BDSM. I understand that submission can be fulfilling, fun, or exciting. Intellectually I know that some people want that submission to happen 24/7. BUT, acting like a wife being her husband's slave is the ideal and the recipe for "a perfect marriage"? A woman teaching her two year old daughter that men deserve to comand her life, and she should just shut the fuck and accept it? I feel the urge to kill something.

This is slightly old news, but...

( German Scientists Remove HIV from Human Cells )

Big news.

This next article is a very interesting look at sexism, racism, and music.

( Caucasian Please! America's Cultural Double Standard For Misogyny & Racism )

Hey, look at this! The next article has some good news!

( Ugandan Court Voids Gender-Biased Adultery Law )

I'd like to start this entry off on a positive note, give a little taste of what the women's movement has accomplished (it's a lot), but I'm not going to. That's for another entry.

Some statistics:

One in six American women are victims of sexual assault.

Nearly 25 percent of American women report being raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or date at some time in their lifetime, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey, conducted from November 1995 to May 1996.

On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country (United States) every day.

Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.

In Australia the gender wage gap is actually growing.

One out of three women worldwide has experienced rape or sexual assault.

Out of 1,000 women surveyed in Sacatepequez Guatemala 49% had been physically, sexually, or emotionally abused, 75% of the time by an intimate male partner.

There are people out there, women and men, who say that feminism is obsolete. It's not.

Feminism is an "F word" these days and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of hearing complaints that men aren't included enough and that we should call ourselves "gender equalists." I am not a gender equalist. I am a feminist. Say it with me: fe-muh-nist (and much thanks to Dianne Dimassa for that particular spelling). I'm tired of it being All About Men.

I'm a feminist, and I'm not going away.

Coming soon: A feminist reading list.

I am very tired, and there's a mountain of school work I should be doing. But I'm a fucking moron, so instead I'm posting here.

I got to see Naomi Wolf speak tonight, which was awesome. I learned that she would be at CU two or three weeks ago, and just remembered this morning. While that's actually impressive for me (usually, I remember events the day after they happen), it still meant that I wasn't able to read The Beauty Myth before going to see her. I did end up buying it at the talk. (And got it signed. Yay!)

I'm too tired to go into detail, so instead I'll just type up the incredibly sparse notes I took. The notes will be in italics, my explanations will be in normal font.

( Read more... )

When I got home, I checked my email, and got pissed off, though I should have been happy.

( Domestic partnership bill passes state Senate )

I should be happy, right? Go Oregon! But my mind is stuck on what Don Benton and Val Stevens said. Why does Don care that gay and lesbian couples will have some of the rights married couples do? No, really, why does her care? Why does anyone care? What fucking difference does it make!? Is it a sin? Big fucking deal. You're not sinning. Just let us burn in hell, ok? Try and "save" me and I'll spit in your fucking face. (Ok, I probably wouldn't, really. People have tried to convert me before, and I'm alays civil. On the other hand, I really hate Don Benton.)

As for you, Val, please tell me how society will be harmed. Really, I want to know. Everyone talks about gay marriage destroying society and civilization, but no one can give me a straight (har har) answer why. Not to mention the fact that gay marriage is legal in places, and, as far as I can tell, civilization has yet to crumble.

I hate these people. I truly hate them. I hate everyone who's against gay marriage (unless, of course, you hate marriage in general, and are also against straight marriage).

If you think there is something wrong with being gay, then I hate you. I don't want to deal with you.

Grr.

Last sunday, I was given no choice but to buy new jeans. Every last pair I owned had at least one hole right below the back pocket. I didn't want people seeing my butt, so of to the store I went.

I wear guys' clothing, but my body is fairly average for a female, so finding clothes can be difficult. I went to the boys section first. I found stuff that did indeed fit but, dear god, I hate young people's fashion. Every single was made to look used and worn. Why would I pay $30 for ripped, faded, stained jeans? The jeans I owned then were ripped, faded, and stained. That's why I was buying new ones!

Despite this aggravation, I picked three pairs that looked the most like new, and decided to go by some new socks. I love socks with cute, fuzzy animals on them. They're all I wear. The problem is that they're getting harder to find. Instead I saw socks that made my blood boil. You may wonder how in the world socks could make me so angry. How about socks with stick figure little girls on them with so called "witty" phrases such as "Thank god I'm not ugly" (because surely nothing could be worse than not conforming to our culture's current standards of beauty), or, the very worst one, "I'm too pretty to do math." Excuse me?! What kind of message is that to send to young girls!? (Because, after all, these socks are not marketed toward college students with a soft spot for cute and fuzzy things, they're marketed towards young girls.) I thought "math is hard" Barbie was dead. Apparently she has simply risen again, more powerful than before.

Anyway, I did find some socks that actually had cute, fuzzy animals on them. I took the clothes to the service desk, and put them on hold, because my mother agreed to pay for them, but she wasn't particularly interested in shopping with me. I ended walking back from the store, since the bus wasn't going to be coming for another 50 minutes, and the walk is only about a mile. As soon as I got back home, my mom and I got back in the car, and drove straight back to the store. Perhaps I should have just called her on a pay phone.

It was actually lucky for me that she came along, because she took me to the young men's section, and we found jeans that actually looked new. What a shock. I also got two new long sleeved shirts, as I'd been saying all winter that I needed more, but I'd never bothered to go out and get any. Plus they were five bucks.

So, that was my shopping adventure.

Poll #832198
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

Have you ever thrown up in a gutter?

Grr, ended up missing the bus, which means I won't be going to sociology. I actually made it on time, but had to turn around to get the pain pills I'd left at home. There's no way in hell I'm going to be in Denver without any way to control the pain.

I threw up three times, which is fairly impressive, though nowhere near my record of nine.

I am not using the "shoot myself in the head" icon, because the Vicoden is still working. Otherwise, I wouldn't even be posting. I'd be lying on the floor whimpering. Well, that or dragging myself to the knife drawer in an attempt to perform at home surgery. (Hey, I have a general idea of where the uterus is.)

I want a hysterectomy so very badly. Unfortunately, my chances of getting one are slim to none. If you ever want proof that the medical profession views female bodies as nothing more than incubators, mention the word hysterectomy to your doctor. Nine times out of ten you will hear "But you might want BABIEZ!" In my most agonized moments, I create long scenarios about having children just to kill them and show the world that they should have just given me the damn hysterectomy. Infanticide is not normally something I contemplate, but extreme pain does things to your brain.

When I told my gynecoligist that I wanted a hysterectomy, this is the conversation we had:

Her: Well, you're bipolar, and your brain chemistry may settle down when you get older.

Me:....I want a hysterectomy, not a lobotomy.

Her: I'm just saying that you may change your mind.

Yes, she did indeed tell me that the reason I want a hysterectomy is because I'm crazy. Certainly not because I hate having to live in agonizing misery every month, or because it's simply inconvenient. No, there must be something horribly wrong with me. Sheesh, is it any wonder I didn't feel comfortable telling this woman I was trans?

I find it very ironic that a hundred years ago women who were declared insane were forced to have hysterectomies, and now I'm being declared nuts for wanting one.

The good news is that my regular doctor is very cool. I told her I didn't want to take estrogen birth control. Of course, she asked why. After some consideration, I told her that I was trans. Her response? "Oh, that makes perfect sense." Heh, I was totally prepared for a fight, but she was completely supportive. She even offered to help me find a new gyno once I need another appointment.

That reminds me that I really need to call that gyno and ask her to fax the results of my pap smear to my regular doctor. I also need to call my psychiatrist again, seeing as how she never got back to me. Maybe I should just stay home and do those things.

Man, I skip class way too often. I'm horribly embarrassed by it.

To the man at the bus station: I wonder if you noticed how much space you were taking up. The longer you were there, the more you lounged. I was sitting next to you, and I had to keep scooting over to stop you from crowding me and pressing up against me. I hate having strangers touch me; it's a serious anxiety trigger.

There was plenty of room, plenty of space for you to spread out, but you had to do it right up against me. Did you even notice I was there?

No, of course not! You are, after all, a MAN. You don't have to notice lesser beings such as female bodied people. It's our job to move, our job to make ourselves smaller. You are a man, you have a God given right to take up as much space as you want. The rest of us just have to deal.

Fuck this.

So, you don't like "what passes for feminism these days." You think we're all man-hating, overreacting "feminazis." That must be nice for you. You can slander our movement, and yet we're still fighting for you. Woman, man, or something else, feminism helps you. It alleviates constricting societal expectations. We're working to stop rape, to create equality in the workplace and in schools. We're working to counter the idea that there's only one right way to be a woman or a man. And when we succeed, all of you who hate us will benefit. Those of you who hate political correctness will be just as free as the feminists. Of course, you'll insist that it was like that all along. Or you'll ignore the work we did, and act as if the revolution happened all by itself. "See?" You'll say. "There was no need to get angry. You just had to be patient and wait."

Yep, things must be really easy for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be over here, being a feminist.