I'm trying to actually write my springkink fics, but, um, well. There are so many distracting things! Like fanfic, and blogs, and Pandora internet radio, and shiny things! Plus, it's hard to write when my cat keeps trying to eat my pen. She really likes to gnaw on things, which baffles me. "You're not a rodent or a teething baby, so why do you do this?" I want to ask her. But I don't think she'd answer me.

First spring kink fic is due on Friday, and it might be longer than I first anticipated. It's seeming less and less likely that I will have time to have it beta-ed. So far it can be summed up as, "Muraki is creepy and it sucks to be Tsubaki." Which is very true.

Right, so I should get back to writing or some such thing.

So, I should have done this at the beginning of January, but um, the (mostly) beginning of February is close enough, right?

Writing meme and list, originally taken from ravenbell and wordsofastory.

( What I wrote this year: )

( And the writing meme )

Things that are not fun:

School Curse you school, you are the very bane of my existence. Thank you to the people who gave me advice on bullshitting papers for class. I appreciate said advice very much, I assure you.

I have to stop taking seminars. They're interesting, but they are way too much freaking work.

It's cold! Normally, Colorado doesn't let the date determine its weather (70 degree Januaries and frigid late Aprils), but this time it got word that Fall was starting and got cold. I hate it! I can't manage to dress just right. I'm always too hot or too cold. It's supposed to warm up over the weekend though.

So, after much angst, I finished my fic for matrithon. Or so I thought. I thought my prompt was "Hunith: memories." It turns out that it's "Hunith: secrets." Yeah. You know, normally I'm obsessive about checking and rechecking my prompt to make sure I'm doing it right. The one time I don't, this happens.

Well, I still have a few days, and more fic is always good, right? Especially minor character fic.

Still, dagnabbit.

Something that is fun:

springkink is open for claiming. Lots of good prompts! Bleach, Count Cain, Saiyuki, Yami no Matsuei, Merlin, Revolutionary Girl Utena, all the stuff that my flist loves! I've claimed four prompts, which is over my usual self imposed limit of three, but I just couldn't help myself. I'm still tempted to nab a few more of those Riff/Cain prompts. Please do it so that I don't have to.

Now if you'll excuse me, I clearly have fic to write. (And on a deadline!)

The "You Should Write..." Meme!
Veleda_k

Taking a chance that there will be a resounding silence, or, worse, "You really shouldn't write at all."

So, I've finished yet another kink_bingo fic, and, um, I could really use a beta. It's a Count Cain fic, but even if you don't know the fandom and can just search for typos, I'd be grateful. There is graphic sex, so don't volunteer if that will put you off.

Anybody?

First of all, what the fuck, Colorado weather? I've gotten used to the seventy degree January days, and I've realized that it's never more wintry than in late April, but it's nearly June, so these grey, wet days have to stop. Or at least don't go changing it so much. Google weather said it would be seventy one degrees today, so I dressed for that. When I got on the first bus, it was warm. When I got off, it was chilly and windy. I was not alerted to this possibility! It was still chilly when I got on the second bus, but by the time I got off, it was warm again. Oh, Colorado, I will never understand you.

I had a doctor's appointment today, to check on my boobs. It was somewhat of a trek, just because walking still hurts a bit.

On the bus I encountered a wacky conservative Christian whom I had debated last semester at CU. He was quite eager to talk to me. I was trying to write, so I didn't really want to talk to anyone, but especially not a fundamentalist Christian. He was pleasant and polite, certainly. I have no doubt that many fundamentalist Christians are overall quite good-natured, with concern for others. However, this man, however nice he was, thinks that I'm going to hell. He believes that I face endless agonizing torment after death because I like to kiss girls, and because I pray to a goddess and the wrong god. Not only will I suffer unceasingly for eternity, but quite deservedly so. It's hard for me to think of someone who believes that as a truly good person.

However, he spoke about a talk he was going to give at his church about various literary genres in the Bible (didactic, poetic, apocalyptic, etc.), which sounded genuinely fascinating. (I'm a religious studies minor for a reason.) Of course, he's probably one of the people who thinks that the vast number of different genres and literary styles in the Bible prove that it was written by God, rather than offering evidence that it was written by a great number of people over a very long time. But what are you going to do?

Also, I saw a road sign on the way to the doctor's office that gave me pause. It was next to a creek and said "Ice may exist." And, yes, all right, I know what it meant, but it sounds quite existential to me. "Ice may exist. But perhaps it's simply our subjective perceptions telling us that the ice exists. Who can say?"

...Well, I was at least amused.

I did finally make it to the doctor. I'm healing nicely, and she removed most of the steri strips. And now I can shower! Seriously, bathing became a serious chore when I couldn't get my chest wet.

Before, when my breasts were still numb, I expressed concern that it might be the first stage of horrible zombie disease, and that I had zombie tits. My fears were allayed today. No, instead, I have frankenboobs! (I just can't decide if that should be capitalized or not.) They had to cut off my nipples then reattach them, so it's quite gross looking. (That, uh, might have been more than you wanted to know.) But it's only eight days after surgery, so I'm not worried. Plus, the doctor told me that I'm still quite swelled up, and that my breasts should get even smaller. I'm so excited!

Just like I'm oh so certain that you care about the state of my breasts, so I assume that you care about how my writing is going. I've finished one of my springkink stories, and started the other one. These stories are the reason that I've been researching Victorian carriages and trains. Don't laugh, I find it interesting. And my remixthedrabble entry is in beta.

All in all, my life is going well. This scares me. Surely something must go horrible wrong soon. Well, I'm starting my summer class on Monday. That will probably count.

So, as you know, I signed up for remixthedrabble. I was feeling just a little nervous, until a horrible, worst case scenario occurred to me. I can't tell you what it is, it would ruin the anonymity. But I hoped that it would not happen.

You know those stories with twisted genies? Where you make a wish, and it comes true, but in an exact, literal way that is somehow just as bad? Well, that's what happened to me. THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT, UNIVERSE!

The only logical thing to do is to email the mods and explain that I have come down with a rare type of lymph node cancer, and I have decided to spend my few remaining years in Guatemala without internet access.

*SOB* I am so doomed. I will be a horrible disappointment and then ritual suicide will be the only answer.

I have very amusing dreams, which I would love to tell you about, if only I could remember them. They're easy to recall in the first few moments after waking, but they fade in a way that can only be likened to dew, evaporating in the morning sun.

But even more vexing is when I get an idea for a story while lying in bed, or in the hazy mists between sleeping and waking. However, now I only have bits and pieces flitting through my mind. General ideas, snatches of conversation; but I don't know who's saying what or why.

Reading the above two paragraphs, I worry about the fact that I don't even have to work to reach this level of pretension. It just comes naturally.

I should probably post my Yuletide reveal, huh?

This time, I wrote two stories. The Benefits of Alcohol as a Social Lubricant (Trigun) and A Very Hargreaves Christmas (Count Cain/Godchild)

Musings on the writing process (such as it was):

( Trigun story )

( Count Cain/Godchild story )

Ravenbell, since you were so great about betaing for me even though you had your own work to do, you can request a drabble, if you'd like. I am at your command.

The list of prompts for December is up at 31_days. They look fantastic. Why is it that this has to be the month filled with inspiration? I have finals! And Yuletide! And other stuff! I've actually already written a Count Cain piece for day nine: "generations of poison, centuries of poison." It's over 1000 words, and I wrote it all today. For me, that's absolutely amazing. I'm a pathetically slow writer, and my stories are normally ridiculously short. I even rather like how it turned out. now I'm just wondering why it couldn't have been my damn Yuletide story, which isn't going nearly so well. In fact, it's not going at all. Argh! Why didn't anyone tell me that this was going to be this hard?

I knew better, you know. I knew that it was going to be a bad idea, signing up for Yuletide. But I thought it looked like fun, and I was tired of being left out. Curse me and my sheep mentality!

Other 31_days ideas (I won't be able to do nearly all of these):

"3) I appeal to your scratches and your tattered fur." I really want to do a Kubota/Tokito story for this one.

"4) making love in the temple." Koumyou/Ukoku fic, yes?

"5) glorious eyes that smile and burn." More Cain fic!

"19) and he chants the hate of a million years." I don't know what yet, but I want to do something with this one.

I actually love and would like to work with just about every prompt there, but those are the ones that really jumped out at me.

I must be boring the non-fandom people so much. Hell, I'm probably boring the fandom people too. I'm sorry!

I just received my Yuletide assignment, and I'm beginning to see the downside of this anonymity thing. See, I'm panicking. And I want to tell you why I'm panicking, so you can panic with me, or reassure me, or just tell me to shut the fuck up. But I can't.

Also, why do "panicked" and "panicking" have "K"s while "panic" doesn't? Seriously, what's with that?

Today was all right, except for the fact that I'm hacking my lungs out. I had to leave my Women in Islam class because I couldn't stop coughing. Loudly. I hate being sick.

Claims are open at both Spring Kink and Sick Fic Fest. All right, yes, claims have been open for a while, and I'm just telling you now. Because I suck. But there are lots of good prompts. So get your kink on, or write about bad awful people doing bad awful things. Or both! Write, damn it! (But, honestly, no pressure.)

Prompts I've taken for Spring Kink:

Godchild, Alexis/Jizabel: punisher/nurturer games - He'll wrap you in his arms, tell you that you been a good boy / He'll rekindle all those dreams it took you a lifetime to destroy (Rough draft is finished.)

Trigun, Vash/Meryl: Scents - "I just can't get him out of my mind." (Started.)


Prompt I've taken for Sick Fic Fest:

Muraki - Only this one holy medium brings me peace of mind (Really looking forward to this one.)

I haven't writing, and I've been depressed about it. Looks I may be back in groove.

I've got to get back to writing. I'm all depressed and in a funk due to losing my notebook, but I have Spring Kink stories to write, and besides, I have ideas brewing in my head.

Yesterday the CU anime club had its end of semester marathon (we stop before finals week). We finished up Claymore and Trigun (which I brought, and for me for being halfway useful), and watched individual episodes of a lot of shows. I kind of slept through some, but the ones I saw were mostly good. I'm in love with Baccano! even though I had no clue what the hell was going on when I watched it. I also really liked Ray: The Animation. (Ninja nurses! A doctor with a peg leg and an eye patch who beats people up! Another doctor with X-ray vision! This show is awesome.) I'm downloading both of those while I type. I also liked Wolf and Spice. Wagaya no Oinari-sama won me over my having an ancient character who can shape shift, and can't remember if s/he was originally a man or woman. S/he explains that as you get older, you forget these things. For a long time I've had a "Squadron of Useless Superheroes" in my head. The basic idea is that it's a bunch of people with super powers, but these super powers all happen to be pretty much worthless, such as the girl who can inject anything with caffeine. Nice if you want to stay up late, but not much good otherwise. One of the characters can change zir gender. As it turns out, all documentation such as a birth certificate ended up destroyed (not part of a villain conspiracy or anything--just bad luck), so said character doesn't remember if ze was originally male or female. Said character doesn't particularly care, either. Anyway, my point (and I do have one) is that it was amusing to see the same idea in an actual work of fiction.

Speaking of anime, can anyone recommend me some shoujo-ai/yuri/girls' love/whatever featuring adult women? Aside from Eriko Tadeno's Works (which is excellent, and everyone should pick it up), all I can think of features teenagers, usually school girls. I think I know why there's so much of that kind, but it still frustrates me. You don't have this problem with yaoi. Not that I read yaoi. Most of it is either stupid or offensive, so I prefer shoujo manga with homoerotic elements.

Shoujo-ai that I'm currently watching/reading include Tetragrammaton Labyrinth, which has one 17 (or is it sixteen?) year old and one ancient immortal that looks twelve; Venus Versus Virus, which just had a male love interest show up; and Strawberry Panic, which is the most promising. the main problems are that I can't understand why everyone is so in love with Nagisa, the main character. She's not particularly interesting, intelligent, or beautiful. In fact, she falls firmly into the "incompetent but cute" shoujo trope, which annoys me at the best of times. Even Ahiru from the brilliant Princess Tutu (please don't judge it by the name) irritated me until her character expanded. Plus, in the manga at least (I've only read the first volume and seen the first anime episode) Shizuma and Nagisa's relationship is starting to take on scary possessive vibes. (No, forbidding the person you love to be friendly with anyone else isn't romantic. It's abusive. I'm hoping that Shizuma gets over it.)

All that being said, I am enjoying the manga and looking forward to getting my hands on the second volume, and I'm willing to keep going on the anime. The two plots seem pretty different. In the anime, Shizuma is less a womanizer than she is depressed and listless. I can't decide whether anime Nagisa's tendency to faint, or at least come close to fainting, whenever Shizuma is about to kiss her is amusing or annoying though.

I have lots of homework!

And now it's time for the second annual writing meme, originally taken from ravenbell and wordsofastory.

( Everything I wrote last year )


( And the writing meme )

I thought that my springkink stories were due on the 8th and the 9th. It turns out that they're due on the 6th and 7th. Kill me now.

I guess I could start writing now, but I'm being thoroughly amused by watching Lewis Black talk about America (and milk), Homeland Security, creationism, queers, George Bush and the Old Testament, neo-conservatives, and...ok, I'll stop.

I hate school just so everyone knows.

It would help if my teachers would actually tell me what they want me to do. My chem teacher has a habit of testing us on a concept, and then teaching it to us. My Japanese lit teacher expects us to automatically know how to format our homework with actually, you know, telling us. Plus, I can never figure out what kinds of questions she going to ask on the tests. Also, she keeps berating us for not analyzing what we read, but she never asks us analytical questions, just random facts.

I like the teacher for my History of Asian American class very much. I also like the content a whole lot. The real problem is the other students. I was excited about taking an upper division women's studies class, because I thought I'd be leaving behind the ignorant attitudes found in the intro classes. Well, boy was I wrong. How ignorant do you have to be to think that the concept of Ladies Night is the same as affirmative action? I mean, really. I was talking with the teacher about my frustration yesterday, and she told me that it always ends up being a bit of an intro class. The good news is that she likes me a lot. I told her that I was reluctant to say to much, as I didn't want to be the white person dominating a discussion involving women of color, but her response was pretty much, "Dear god, please keep talking!" I guess it's best if someone is actually representing the feminist point of view.

My global feminism class is so-so.

I should be doing homework, yes I should.

I should also be writing. I have two spring kink stories due early next month. I also need to finish the second chapter of Same Plot, Different Shinigami, which has been languishing for months. I have fans! Real actual fans who want to read more, and what do I do? I let them down. Go me. I also need to get to get back to ravenbell about her yaoi challenge story. Like, yesterday. Jesus Christ I suck! Oh, and sooner or later I'm going to have to bite the bullet and start my original story, which tekararogue is so eager read. It has assassins, lesbians, and a sociopath (who is not one of the lesbians), so it has all of my favorite things. I just have no confidence in my ability to write original fiction, and no clue how to start.

Oh, and I want to write a ficlet for the yuri_challenge drabble challenge. (yuri_challenge is accepting prompts right now. Go here and request some!)

Anyway, that's a good bit of what's going on with me write now. There's more serious stuff, but I'm just not up to discussing it right now. Too damn tired.

I am very tired, as I have not been getting near enough sleep.

...Though it does remind me that I have yet to finish Meine Leibe Weider.

Anyway, that's not the point.

I always mean to post my dreams, but I don't get around to it, and then I forget them. Well, here are two dreams that I remember.

In the first, I was in a hotel, trying to get to the seventh floor. Except I couldn't, because every time I tried to push the seventh floor button, I would always end up pushing another button. I could hear people (they were on the bottom floor, I was in the elevator; I don't know how it worked) wondering why the elevator was going all over the place, and I was terrified of them finding out that I couldn't even push an elevator button correctly.

Also, Kanoe and Hinoto from X were there in the hotel, only they weren't called Kanoe and Hinoto. Apparently this was before all the end of the world stuff started, and Hinoto wasn't shut up in the diet building yet, and they hadn't taken those names yet. Don't ask me how I knew all this when they were in a hotel room, and I was trapped in an elevator. It's dream logic.

I can get the meaning of that dream. It's just more of my fear of screwing up and being incompetent, and the even worse fear of people finding out that I'm an incompetent screw up. As for why Hinoto and Kanoe were there...I read too much manga.

The other I had just last night. I was at a party at my dad's, only...my dad was alive. In a wheelchair, but alive. Now, I knew something was off there. I kept thinking, "Uh, isn't he supposed to be dead?" but my mind would always shy away from the topic. The closest I got to an answer was, "Well, I guess I only thought he died." (Ya know, that doesn't seem like the kind of thing I'd get wrong.)

I remember very little aside from that. There was danger of some sort (possibly involving foreign countries). Oh, and there was college. I was stressed out because I hadn't done my homework.

I also remember that there were frozen Rice Krispie treats dipped in chocolate. These were very important. So important that when the danger was all around us, I was fully willing to take the risk of running back to the house to get some. I know I have a sweet tooth, but that's just ridiculous.

I can understand why I'd dream of my father, and messing up in school is a recurring fear of mine, but the Rice Krispie treats? I got nothing.

Oh! There's one more dream I can remember, though just the tiniest bit. I had been watching lots of GetBackers and then reading lots of Bleach before I went to bed. This lead to a dream in which Renji and Ikkaku were retrieval agents. That's all I remember. Hell, that might have been all there was.

One a completely different note (this is a random post), my writing habits have recently caused me some confusion. Like many authors, I tend to have more than one story in the works at a time. In the past I would leave a few blank pages between stories to give me room to complete the old ones, but stopped when I realized that I was leaving stories unfinished and wasting paper. Now I don't leave any space, which leads to lots of skipping around. This is all well and good, but this morning, I was looking over the third chapter of Same Plot, Different Shinigami, trying to remember what the hell I had written. It went a bit like this:

"Uh huh, Watri's is talking to Ichigo, they're going to look at the inter-universal transport device (and espresso machine) and--HOLY SHIT, when did Hisoka's cock come into this!?

"...Oh, eh heh. Different story,"

Maybe I should get another notebook for the porn

So, until today I was panicking about my yuri_challenge stories. I thought they were due on May 30th, and I haven't even finished my first one (and I have to worry about springkink). But I checked the user info, and it turns out that the stories are due June 30th. That's a huge load off of my mind.

Oh, before I have to return the GetBackers manga to the library, I thought I'd share this Tokyopop mistake.

The context: the GetBackers are retrieving a stolen violin. They hear violin music. To quote from the manga:

"'A violin?'"

"'It's Tartini's The Devil's Thrill.'"

...Trill, Tokyopop, the Devil's Trill. Look, not knowing your classical music, that I can understand. But not knowing your shoujo manga? Unforgivable.

...Uh, move along; nothing to see here.

For god's sake, Veleda, stop switching tenses when you write! It's very annoying.

Also, you should be studying for finals, but I know that you're not going to do that.

Anyway, third person rants aside, I'm actually making progress on peoples' requests.

Let's see, so I have three fics for you people finished, one mostly finished, and two unfinished. I also have my two yuri_challenge fics to write, plus whatever I pick up for springkink. Oh, and I would suck less if I would just finish the third chapter of Same Plot, Different Shinigami.

I'm a phenomenally slow writer. I'm doomed.

*sings* I may be going to hell in bucket, but at least I'm enjoying the ride.

There are two original stories I have in my head. One is a romantic comedy/fantasy. It has comedic misunderstandings, whacky hijinks, and gay. There's only one thing missing: a plot. I cannot for the life of me think of something for these characters to do. Damn it.

The second story has assassins, sociopathy, insanity, and lesbians. I just wish I knew how to begin it. I almost feel like this one has too much plot. Nevertheless, I think this one has the best chance of being written, if only I would get off my lazy ass and write. Or stay on my lazy ass and just pick up a pen and notebook.

State of fanfic:

Same Plot, Different Shinigami: I've been ignoring this. That's half the problem. The other half is that I suck as a writer. No, seriously. The dialogue's wooden, the action stilted and awkward, and I can't write people doing things! Argh! The worst part is that there are people who want to read this story. I finally have actual fans, and I'm letting them down. Wah

Yamato/Kouya story... with sex!: I cannot write sex. Slight problem there. I'm running out of synonyms for "caressed," I worry that I don't have enough foreplay, and I've discovered that Zero's inability to feel pain is seriously hampering me. I can't help being kinky.

Those are the only fics that are actively being written at the moment. I have plenty of half finished fics I could worry about.

In more positive news, I'm inordinately fond of my new icon. Yay for D&D geek jokes.

I... am writing sex! Yes, yes I am. I feel all grown up.

I only have one problem. I can't stand any of the terms for female genitalia. I've always hated "pussy;" I don't know why. I'm actually rather fond of "cunt," but that's usually used in such offensive manner that I don't think I want it in my fanfic. Vagina, vulva, and labia are way too clinical.

I'm looking for advice here. Please tell me what you think.

You know, at first I was grumbling about the fact that there was no romance or sexual energy in this Yamato/Kouya fic I'm writing, and now I'm frustrated that I can't get them to stop flirting and get on with this sad, sorry excuse for a plot.

( In other news, the answers for the fandom meme! )

No, angst isn't what I'm writing. I'm having angst about writing.

...That didn't make much sense. Moving on.

( I need some cheese to go with my whine )

In Neil Gaiman's blog, he talks about a challenge a magazine issued: write a story in six words. My attempts:

So beautiful, kind. So very dead.

He'd never told her about this.

You know, I did warn them.

Life may be long... or not.

I knew how the story ended.



Have to run. Bye now.

I have the incredible urge to write Yami no Matsuei fic. I even have a couple of good ideas. The problem is--and this is the problem for me with writing in general--that while I have really good ideas (at least, I think they're good), I can't write them. I feel like I don't how to write, which is silly, because I've written before, and the work hasn't been terrible (not the pieces I post, anyway). I guess it's more accurate to say that I'm not a very good writer. Not in the sense that what I write is crap, it's rather that I can't make the stories move from my head to the paper.

Hm, I have a bunch of amazing writers on my friends list. Any advice to give the not good person? (And, hey, non-friends could give advice too, if they so desired.)

That icon looks too sad. I'm not that upset, sheesh.